


Golden Days

by stardustshleb



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Canonical Character Death, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:55:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 27,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23720035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardustshleb/pseuds/stardustshleb
Summary: For as long as anyone can remember, it's always been Finn and Poe and Rey. That is until one golden soaked summer tore everything apart. But life is a fickle thing and what has been torn apart can always be mended back together.
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s), Past Poe Dameron/Muran - Relationship, Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 42
Kudos: 57





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Well, this is my first time posting in awhile and my first dip into the Finnpoe universe. This idea came to me on a spontaneous road trip to the beach and wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote it down. I'm a little nervous about posting after being away for so long but I hope you enjoy it! This story is complete. The first five chapters are up and I will be posting a new chapter every Sunday. 
> 
> This has not been beta'd so all mistakes are my own.

When Shara Bey thought about how her life would go, she never expected it to be anything like this. She never expected to meet the love of her life while flying a mission that never officially happened. She never expected to put aside her wild life as an Air Force pilot and move to a sleepy beach town where the only thrills came from riding the waves and the occasional hurricane. She never expected her equally crazy and adrenaline obsessed friends to move to the same sleepy beach town or that she would ever get pregnant. But looking down at her swollen belly and her small, mismatched family sitting around the fire pit in her back yard, she’s thankful it all ended up this way. 

Oddly enough, her life has more routine now, than it ever did in the military. She and Kes wake with the sun and drive their beat up jeep to the beach to catch some waves before opening up their surf shop. They spend their days talking to the customers that wander in looking for souvenirs or the handful of surfers that frequent their little slice of heaven called Wisteria Beach. Han stops by around lunch time, usually covered in car grease, with enough sandwiches to feed a small army. After lunch, Shara heads down to the shore line to teach swimming lessons before calling it day. Leia, Han, and Luke normally find their way to the Dameron/Bey backyard for dinner and more often than not, fall asleep on their couch. 

And tonight is no different. 

Shara relaxes in her chair, her hand rubbing gentle circles on her belly while the cicadas hum into the soupy darkness. Han and Kes are reminiscing as usual while Luke listens on with a thoughtful look on his face. 

“You ever think we’d end up like this?” Leia asks beside her, her dark brown hair twisted up in a complicated bun on top of her head. 

“Not in a million years.” Shara smiles. 

“Nervous about tomorrow?” Leia eyes her large belly.

“A little.” Shara answers truthfully. “But I’m more excited to finally meet him.” 

Leia lets out a little chuckle, casting her eyes up to the dark sky. “That little boy is going to be a holy terror.”

“With the five of us raising him, I expect nothing less.”

Poe Dameron enters the world kicking and screaming the following night, quickly enveloped into his mothers waiting arms. Tears fill her eyes as she looks down at her small, beautiful son with his mop of dark curls and smooth tan skin. He has Kes’ nose and her chin. She can see her mother in his forehead, Kes’ brother in his cheeks. Her heart feels as if it might explode as she is overcome with a wave of unmatched love and devotion. All for her small, beautiful son.

The next few months are the hardest, most fulfilling months of Shara’s life. Leia all but moves in, taking up residence in their living room, cradling little Poe when he cries to give Shara and Kes a moment of rest. Han always looks terrified when his wife passes the little baby over but more often than not, Shara finds Han holding her son close telling him about the wonders of the world. Luke is fascinated by Poe, looking at his little fingers and toes with a childlike wonder. And Kes, well Shara is not ashamed to say that she broke down in tears the first time her husband held his son. The pride on his face, the unfailing love pouring from him, it was overwhelming. 

Luke leaves for a mission four months in. Although she would never admit it, Shara can see the worry on Leia’s face. It was a fear she would wear with grace until her brother was back, safe and sound. A fear they all use to live with. When he does return two months later, he arrives with two unexpected surprises. 

Babies, a little boy and girl, sleeping peacefully in their carriers. 

“What the fuck Luke?” Han hisses.

“Watch your language, there are young ears!” Luke snaps back.

“Luke buddy, why the fuck do you have two babies with you?” Kes asks, sounding breathless. Poe wiggles in his father’s arms. 

“I can’t…exactly tell you how-”

Han lets out an exasperated sigh. “Jesus Christ Luke.You can't just go bringing home random babies!”

“I couldn’t just leave them Han. You weren’t there-I just couldn’t leave them.”

Shara steps forward, gathering the man into a tight hug. “It’s ok Luke.” She reassures him. “You did the right thing.”

And just like that, their little rag tag family grew by two.

Rey was a loud baby, always gurgling and babbling. Some days Shara wondered if she and Poe were competing to see who could cry the loudest when they got hungry. She could tell right away those two would be like oil and vinegar. But Finn on the other hand, was such a quite baby, hardly ever making a peep. His dark eyes were always wide, taking in the world before him. She couldn’t explain it but she knew Finn would accomplish great things. All three of them, these sweet little babies, they would grow up to be incredible humans and Shara for one, could not wait to see it happen.


	2. Chapter 2

Finn is seven years old and deathly afraid of the ocean. It’s just so big and so deep, who knows what scary things are lurking in the dark waters. Rey and Poe of course aren’t afraid, they aren’t afraid of anything. Poe swims out to the sand bar with Uncle Han all the time and Dad jokes about Poe being part fish whenever he comes out of the waves, water dripping from his hair and his fingers all pruny. Finn is pretty sure Poe’s mom isn’t mermaid but she is definitely pretty enough to be one. So Dad could be on to something there. 

Rey tells him he’s being silly but she just doesn’t get it. No one gets it. He can’t see what’s hiding in the waters. There could be sharks or monsters waiting to eat him up. The ocean is scary. So he is perfectly find building sandcastles on the beach where he doesn’t have to worry about anything grabbing his ankles. 

It’s a hot day, the summer sun is beating down relentlessly on the white sandy beaches. It’s dad’s turn to watch the kids while Uncle Han and Aunt Leia work. Rey is curled up under the beach umbrella sleeping while Poe darts in and out of the waves on his boogie board. He says that his pops is going to give him a real surf board for his birthday so he can start surfing like his parents. Finn thinks he’s going to get crushed by the waves. 

Finn keeps his distance from the water, only venturing close enough to pick up shells to add to his collection. Sometimes he stops to watch the clams break through the sand as the tide goes out, only to dive back under as the water rushes back. He’ll watch the sand pipers as they pick their way through the surf looking for food. They fascinate him, these animals that call the beach their home. He wonders if they ever get afraid of the monsters that lurk in the deep.

Finn is so absorbed in watching the animals that he doesn’t hear Poe come to stand next to him. He is too busy tracking the movement of a sand crab as it digs a hole in the damp sand. 

“I don’t think it would be very comfortable to live under the sand.” Poe says causing Finn to jump in surprise. 

“Good thing you aren’t a crab.” Finn smacks his friend on the shoulder. 

“You wanna come swim with me?” Poe asks looking hopeful. 

Finn glances out to the ocean, the waves rolling and crashing in an imperfect rhythm. His heart starts hammering in his chest. “No I think I’ll stay here.” He shakes his head. 

Poe’s shoulders slump. “Why don’t you ever want to swim with me?”

“I don’t like the water.”

“But why?” Finn bites his lips. Poe wouldn’t get it. He loves the water. He’d spend all day in it if he could. There is a high possibility that he is in fact part fish – he’ll have to do some research on that first. But Finn isn’t Poe. 

“There are things that can get me. Like sharks.”

“Sharks don’t eat people.” Poe says defiantly with all the determination a seven year old can have. “Ma says they are more scared of us than we are of them.”

“Yeah right.” Finn mumbles. 

Poe pouts, his skinny arms crossed over his chest as he bites his lip, deep in thought. Finn knows from experience that only means trouble for him. Sure enough, a bright look comes across Poe’s face as he reaches for Finn’s shoulder. “I have an idea! Come with me!”

“Poe.” Finn groans. “I’m tryin’ to build a sandcastle.”

Poe shakes his shoulder vigorously. “It’ll still be there when we get back, I promise. C’mon, you’re gonna love this buddy.”

He’s heard Aunt Leia talk about Poe’s ‘puppy dog eyes’ more than once and he understands now why she says they are so hard to resist. Finn sighs and resigns himself to whatever Poe has cooked up in that sun baked brain of his. He takes Poe’s hand and lets himself be led to a rocky outcrop down the beach.

Poe starts to climb up on the slippery rocks, only turning around when he realizes Finn isn’t following. 

“Dad doesn’t like us playing on the rocks.” Finn says, looking back at the dot that is his father and Rey. 

“We’re not playing,” Poe holds out his hand. “I’m just showin’ you somethin’.”

One of these days, Poe is going to get him in so much trouble. But he takes his hand anyways, letting him pull him up. Together they pick through the rocks until Poe comes to a stop in front a small pool of water. He sits down and pats the space next to him.

Finn sits and gazes at the little pool. Inside, there is a riot of color. Bright purple starfish cling to the rocks, inky black sea urchins dot the barnacle crusted floor, and small yellow fish dart around the small space. It is beautiful. 

“Ma says there are millions of these little guys in the ocean. And when the tide comes in, some of them get stuck in these little pools until high tide comes again. But it’s cool because now you can see what’s in the ocean – the stuff you can’t see normally.”

Finn nods along, mesmerized by the little creatures. They were so tiny and so colorful. He couldn’t imagine what it would look like to see millions of them in one place. Finn looks out to the ocean. 

“But what about the sharks and the jelly fish?”

Poe throws his arm around Finn’s shoulders and pulls him against him. “They’re gonna be there, the ocean is their home. But as long as I’m around, I won’t let them get you.”

Finn gives him a doubtful look. “How are you gonna fight off a shark?”

“With these guns of course.” Poe flexes his skinny little arms. 

“Guess we’ll just be shark food then.” He snorts, breaking into a fit of laughter when Poe frowns. He gives Finn a playful shove, making him slip a little on the slick rock, but it’s worth it. 

“So are you gonna swim with me or what jerk?” Poe asks, getting to his feet. 

Dad says they should always confront their fears; that’s how you grow. But he’s only seven; he has his whole life to confront his fears. And yet, Poe is stand there in front of him asking him to take on this fear right now. He showed Finn the tide pool and the little creatures that call the ocean home. He promised to be by Finn’s side the whole time. He even said he would fight off sharks with his little baby muscles. Knowing all that, Finn is finding it hard to say no. 

With a grumble, he nods and lets Poe drag him from the rocks and into the crashing waves. Despite Poe’s hand in his, the fear starts to climb in his throat as the water rises. His heart beats unsteadily in his chest but Poe pulls him further away from the shore. He comes to an abrupt halt when the water reaches his belly button, suddenly feeling like he needs to be anywhere but here. “I don’t know about this Poe, maybe we should go back.”

But Poe just holds his hand tighter. “It’s ok Finn, you’re safe.”

“What if a wave comes and I drown?” his eyes dart around to the swells that builds around them.  
“The big waves are way out there.” Poe points to the horizon. “These waves won’t drown you, I swear.”

Poe smiles at him brightly as a wave builds, racing towards them. Finn sucks in a ragged breath waiting for the inevitable crash but it never comes. The swell just lifts him up like a piece of cork and sets him back down again, gathering momentum before crashing on the shore. “See, it’s not so bad!” Poe says still holding onto his hand.

It really wasn’t. And while the water isn’t that clear, Finn can still see the bottom and all the little fishes that dart around. Some brush up against his leg, causing him to shiver. “I guess not.”

They stay out there for a little while longer; Finn even dunks his head under the water. It’s not so bad. He doesn’t dare go any further but as long as Poe is by his side, everything is just fine.   
Dad calls them back to the shore for lunch. They drag themselves away from the surf dripping and giggling. Rey pouts when she wakes up from her nap.

“You went without me.” She accuses, her bottom lip trembling. 

“We can go again.” Poe says with a roll of his eyes. 

“But you still went without me.”

Dad interjects before the two of them can start bickering. “How about, we all eat our lunches and when we’re done we’ll all go out together ok? That sound good to everyone?”

Rey squints at Poe before nodding and reaching for her sandwich. Poe sticks his tongue out behind her back. Finn rolls his eyes. He knows his sister and Poe like each other, he just doesn’t know why they always have to fight. Dad says it’s because they are both so stubborn. Finn thinks they’re both dummies. 

After the sandwiches have been eaten and they’ve given the food time to settle in their stomach, Dad gathers them up and they set off into the water. Poe and Rey take off, racing one another to see who can get the sand bar first. Finn stays close to Dad, stopping when the water reaches his hips.

“I’m proud of you Finn.” Dad says. Finn blinks up at him.

“Why?”

“You didn’t let fear stop you. That’s a very brave thing.”

Finn looks down at the bobbing water. “It was a stupid fear anyways.”

“Fear isn’t stupid son.” Dad says, resting his hand on Finn’s bony shoulder. “Fear maybe irrational but it’s very real. And what you did today, facing your fear head on is a very brave thing to do. I’m proud of you.”

“I only did it ‘cus Poe asked.”

Dad smiles. “And having friends to support us when we do something scary is very important.”

“Poe is my best friend in the whole wide world.” Finn says with a sigh, watching Poe and Rey dive in and out of the waves. “Rey too.”

“I know bud.” Dad gives him a one arm hug. “I know.”

Finn is seven years old and maybe the ocean isn’t so bad as long as he’s with his best friends.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight warning for some mild internalized homophobia.

Poe is twelve years old and he is pretty sure his life is over. He wakes up each day dreading school, having to face all those people with their knowing looks and judgmental glares. It’s like it’s written all over his face, right along with his stupid pimples and unruly hair. It lives in his stomach, twisting in his guts like a snake, slithering up his throat, threatening to spill out ever time his Ma shoots him a questioning look. So he keeps his head down and his mouth closed.

He knows Finn and Rey talk about him when they don’t think he’s listening. He can hear their quiet whispers when his back is turned, splitting his heart into tiny shards with each hushed word. He wants to tell them but he knows what will happen if he does, the same thing that will happen if he told his parents, or Luke, or Han, or Leia. He knows how the state of Florida is, he knows what they will say, what they will think of him. He can’t live with that. But it’s becoming harder and harder live like this. 

He picks at his food and hides out in his room every chance he gets. At least there he can be miserable alone. Today is no different. He climbs down off of the bus and slowly makes his way home. The only bright side to all of this is that summer break is only a few weeks away. Then he won’t have to leave his room ever again. 

A light breeze lifts his curls as he shuffles down the sandy, tree lined street towards home. He can see his mom waiting for him on the porch, her arms folded and a certain look on her face the Poe knows means trouble for him. 

“Hola mijo.” His Ma says as he stomps up the stairs. “How was school?”

“Fine.” Everything is always fine. Except for the fact that nothing is fine and everything is really, really awful. But she doesn’t need to know that. 

“Why don’t you put your bag down and grab your trunks.” Ma says holding open the front door. “We’re going to meet your Dad at the shop.” 

Yup. His Ma has something planned. Nothing but trouble for him. 

With a sigh, Poe lets his bag thump to the floor and drags his feet to his room. He gives his bed a longing glance as he peels off his sticky school clothes and changes into his swim shorts. He should have tried harder to fool them, make them think everything was ok. But his heart feels like it’s once beat away from stopping, even more so now, as he sits in the passenger seat of his Ma’s beat up Jeep. It’s a quick ride to Pop’s store but for Poe, it drags on forever. 

He doesn’t speak the whole time, his throat thick with emotion. Pops is already on the beach, waiting for them. He gives Ma a kiss on the cheek and nods to Poe in greeting. Poe waves back, halfhearted and defeated. 

His Pops and Ma sit down on the warm sand, patting the space between them for Poe to join them. Poe resigns himself to his fate and sits down between his parents. 

“Poe.” Pops turns his dark and steady gaze onto him. “Your mother and I are concerned about you. You’re not eating, you’re hiding away in your room. You’re not acting like yourself. We’re worried.”

Poe just shrugs. He can feel his feeble heart pounding in his chest. He wonders if it would just be better if the sand would swallow him up. 

“We want you to talk to us mijo. We want to help you.” Ma says, reaching out to hold his limp hand like she knows what he is thinking.

“I can’t.” he croaks out, hating how weak and pathetic his voice sounds.

Pops frowns at him. “Why not?”

“You’ll hate me.” The hot prick of tears stings his eyes. He can’t do this. He can’t bear to see the love and concern slip from his parent’s eyes. He can’t watch them hate him. “I can’t”

“Poe, my love,” Ma sounds like she’s seconds away from crying. It only makes Poe feel worse. “We could never hate you. Never.”

This is it then. His is how it’s all going to end. He’s going to have to tell them and they’ll take it all back. They’ll say they don’t love him; they can’t love someone like him. They’ll kick him out and he’ll be alone. They’ll tell Han and Leia what he is and they’ll tell Luke. Luke will keep Finn and Rey away from him; they won’t want to see him anyways. They’ll think he’s gross, twisted, something disgusting. They’ll all push him away and he won’t have anyone anymore. This is the end. 

He can’t hold back the tears now, not with his parents looking at him like they are now, not knowing that this is last time they’ll ever love him. 

“Son, please.” Pops takes his other hand, firm and strong. “Please tell us what’s wrong.”

“I’m gay.” He whispers, his voice hardly audibly over the cries of the gulls and crashing of the waves. He crumples, hiding his face in his knees, tears running down his heated cheeks. “I’m s-sorry. I tried-I tried n-not to be b-but I c-can’t. And-and I know y-you h-hate me n-now, I-I’m s-s-sorry.”

His body shakes with his sobs as all the pain and worry and utter despair he has been harboring for weeks comes pouring out. 

Poe flinches when he feels arms wrap around his shoulders. 

“Mijo.” Pops says his voice right next to his ear. “I want you to listen to me and listen good. You are our son and we will love you no matter what you do or who you love. You are the greatest thing that ever happened to us Poe. We could never push you away. Do you understand that?”

Poe nods, unable to find his voice as he is enveloped in his parents loving arms. They hold him for a long time, letting him cry until all that is left are his hitching breaths. His Ma cups his tear stained face in her gentle hands, her thumbs brushing delicately at his cheeks. 

“That was a very brave thing to do Poe.” She says smiling at him brightly and full of love. “And I’m so proud of you. You are my light, my sun and moon and stars, forever and always.”

“I love you.” Poe sniffs. 

“We love you too.” Pops says with tears in his eyes. “We love you so much.”

Eventually they pull themselves up off of the sand and make their way back to the car. His parents invite the rest of the family over for dinner that night and stand proudly behind him as he tells them the news. Afterwards they pull him into a hug and kiss his cheeks until he’s red in the face.

Leia pulls him aside at some point after everyone has eaten and their plates have been cleared away. “Did you know that I had a girlfriend before I married Han?” she asks watching Poe carefully.

Poe blinks at her in surprise. “That’s right,” she nods sagely. “When I was in college, I dated a beautiful girl named Amilyn Holdo and for a time, she was the love of my life. But before that, I was confused about my feelings for a long time. I knew that I liked boys but at the same time, I was equally attracted to girls. And I didn’t know what it meant or if I should ever act on those feelings. I was scared that my family would think there was something wrong with me, I was afraid there was something wrong with me. 

And like you, I was terrified. I knew how people like us were treated by the rest of the world. It’s not an easy thing to live with, especially at your age. I know what you are going through Poe.” Leia says touching his cheek. “I’ve been where you are now and believe me, no matter what other people might say, you have a family that loves and supports you. There is nothing wrong with you.”

Poe’s eyes fill with tears as he launches into Leia’s arms. “Thank you.” He whispers into the soft fabric of her shirt. They stay like that for a while, her fingers carding through his hair as he takes shuddering breaths. Eventually he pulls away and wipes at his swollen eyes. 

“You are perfect Poe.” Leia smiles at him. “And if you ever need anything, I’m here for you.” He nods and watches as she walks back to where the rest of the adults are talking. Poe wipes at his eyes again and makes his way to the front yard where Finn and Rey are laying on the grass under the massive oak tree. He lies down next to them. 

“I’m sorry.” He says quietly. “For not telling you.”

“You know we’d never hate you right?” Rey asks reaching out and holding his hand. 

“Yeah,” Finn agrees, giving his shoulder a little nudge. “You’re our best friend Poe. No matter what.”

“So next time, talk to us ok?”

Poe smiles up at the stars. “I know, I will.”

Poe is twelve years old and maybe his life is just beginning.


	4. Chapter 4

Rey is sixteen years old and she is scared shitless about a lot of things right now. It feels like everything is happening at once and she’s not sure how to handle it all. But if she is one thing, she is determined. So she hunts down the person who can help her figure at least one problem out. 

Kes Dameron is flipping idly through a surf magazine behind the counter when she steps into his shop, the bell above the door chiming brightly. He doesn’t even look up when he gives her a two finger salute. “The boys are in the back.” 

“Thanks Kes.” She replies, slipping behind the counter and into the back room. Poe and Finn are sitting at the break table, their school books scattered around them. Finn is looking at Poe with his dopy love struck eyes as Poe tries to balance his pencil on his nose. Honestly, her best friends are fucking idiots. 

“Well I see you two are hard at work.” She says, letting her school bag fall onto the table with a bang. Poe jumps, nearly falling off of his chair in surprise. 

“What the fuck Rey,” he cries righting himself in his seat. “I almost had it.”

“So sorry for the interruption but I need to talk to you.” She places her hands on her hips and rolls her eyes. 

“Is everything ok?” Her brother asks, looking at her with concern. 

Rey gives him a curt nod. “Everything is fine I just need to talk to Poe for a moment.” Finn’s brows furrow but he makes no indication of leaving. “Alone if you please Finn?”

“Oh. Oh! Yeah, ok.” He stutters getting to his feet. “I’ll be- I’m just gonna – I’ll be outside if you need me.” He shoots Poe an apologetic look before darting from the room. Once she hears the door click shut and Finn’s footsteps fade away she turns her gaze on Poe. 

“What’s up?” he asks cautiously. 

“How did you know you were gay?”

The pencil Poe is holding slips from his hands. “I’m sorry, what now?”

Rey sighs dramatically and collapses into Finn’s empty seat. “How did you know you like boys?”

“Uh…I don’t really I know. I guess it was just kind of a feeling you know?” Poe offers. “Like I just kind of looked at this kid in my class and though he was cute.”

“You didn’t feel that way about girls?”

Poe rubs the back of neck. “No? Not really? I mean, I guess girls are cute or whatever but I don’t want to kiss them? If that makes sense?”

Rey nods, biting her lip. “It does.”

“What’s this all about Rey?” Poe asks gently. He’s looking at her through his stupid curly hair with his dumb brown eyes. Honestly it’s ridiculous. They fight a lot, the two of them, but it’s always over stupid stuff. She knows he really cares for her as she cares for him. And she knows that he would always be there for her when she needed him the most. Despite all their squabbles. That’s why she needed to talk to him first. Because if there was anyone who would understand this, it would be him. 

“I think I like girls.” She says quietly, choosing to look anywhere but at Poe’s stupid face. She feels Poe grab her hand and give it a squeeze. 

“How long have you felt this way?”

“A while now, I think.” She swallows. “There’s a girl in my science class, when I look at her I feel something in my chest. She’s so beautiful and funny and I kind of want to kiss her. But I don’t feel that way about any of the boys.”

“I get it.” Poe smiles all comforting and shit. Rey kind of wants to punch him. Maybe later. “You don’t have to label anything if you’re not ready.”

“You did.” 

“Yeah well, not everyone is me.” Poe shrugs. “Sometimes you gotta wait and see, sometimes you know for sure. Either way, there’s no rush to figure it out.”

“I think I’m sure.” She says glancing down at her hands.

Poe gives her hand another squeeze. “Welcome to the club.”

Rey rolls her eyes but smiles. 

“So who’s the girl?”

“Who was the boy?” she shoots back. Poe pales and looks away. “That’s what I thought.”

“Are you going to tell everyone?” Poe changes the subject. As if Rey doesn’t already know who it is. Poe is an open book. A book her brother can’t seem to read but well, maybe one day he’d figure it out.

“I will.” She nods. “Is your mom going to throw a party for me like she did with you?”

Poe laughs. “I would say that it’s highly likely.” Rey gives him a playful shove. With one of her problems settled, it was time to tackle the next. The only problem was, this one isn’t so simple to figure out. She teases Poe for a little while longer before grabbing her bag and heading out. Finn gives her a questioning look as she passes but she just shakes her head, a promise to tell him later. 

She tries to enjoy her walk down Main Street, passing by the quaint little shops and overcrowded restaurants. It’s still technically the off season for tourists but the snow birds are out in full force, escaping the cold weather of their homes on Florida’s white sandy beaches. Uncle Han calls them a nuisance and Dad smacks him on head every time. 

What little peace she is able to cultivate on her walk quickly evaporates into nerves as her destination comes into view. The garage doors of Uncle Han’s repair shop are open wide, classic rock blending in with the cries of the gulls and the children playing on the beach. She makes no noise as she slips inside, hopping up on the counter, waiting for her Uncle to emerge from under the hood of a car. 

When he does, he jumps and bangs his head on the car hood. “Jesus fucking Christ kid, when the hell did you get here?”

“A few minutes ago.” Rey smiles, swinging her legs. 

“And you didn’t think to say anything?”

Rey shrugs. “Scaring you is more fun.”

Uncle Han rubs at his head. “You’re a menace.”

“Yeah, but you still love me.”

Uncle Han just grumbles before going back to work on the car. Rey fidgets, unsure of how to approach her current dilemma. 

“Just spit it out kid.” Uncle Han’s muffled voice calls out, startling Rey. She takes a calm breath before explaining. 

“My birth mother wants to meet me.” 

The car hood slowly closes. “Ok.” Uncle Han replies. He pulls a dirty rag from his pocket and wipes his hands, watching Rey carefully. 

“She wants me to spend a year with her in England.”

Rey’s heart starts thumping in her chest at the thought. A whole year with the woman that gave her up, in a country she’s never been to, without her family by her side. It’s fucking terrifying.   
“So what do you want to do?” Uncle Han asks her plainly. 

“I feel like I have too, like I owe her or something. She is my birth mother after all.” But the truth is, she doesn’t want to. Part of her would like to meet her birth mother, to see where she came from but another part, a larger part doesn’t like that idea – at least she doesn’t like the idea of spending a whole year with her. She doesn’t know this woman. No amount of blood will make her family. 

Uncle Han leans up against the car, crossing his arms. “Let’s get one thing clear: you don’t own that woman shit. I might not know why she gave you up, we might never know but the reality is, she did. The way I see it, any say she has over your life was forfeit when Luke adopted you. So if you are considering living with this woman for a year because you think you ‘owe’ her, I wouldn’t do it.”

“But, I think I want to meet her.” Rey explains. 

“Then go.” Uncle Han shrugs. “Go for a week if that’s what you want. Or a month. Whatever you decided, do what you want. It’s your life, not hers.” He opens the hood of the car again and goes back to work. Rey slips down from the counter and wraps her arms around him. 

“Thank you.” She says quietly. Uncle Han just grunts. Typical. 

With her decision made, Rey walks home, prepared to break the news. 

She waits until after dinner, once Finn and Dad have licked their plates clean. “I’ve made my decision. Also I like girls.” She declares. Dad nods sagely, resting his chin on his clasped fingers. Finn blinks, confused. 

“Decision about what? Wait-you like girls? Is that what you talked to Poe about?”

“Yes.” Rey runs her fingers through her hair before twisting up into a bun, suddenly nervous. 

“I suspect Shara is already planning your party.” Dad says with a knowing look in his eyes. “Thank you for telling us Rey. That was very brave.”

“But what decision did you make?” Finn questions. 

Rey lets out a shaking breath. “A week ago, my birth mother reached out to Dad. She wants me to spend a year with her in England.” 

Finn’s jaw drops. “She what?” he gasps. “A whole year? You’re not going to go are you?”

“I am.” Rey says slowly. “But not for a year. I was thinking just for the summer.”

Dad’s eyes crinkle. “I think that’s a wise decision Rey.”

“A wise decision-are you crazy?!” Finn yells. He is clearly angry at her and it hurts, deep in her bones. He’s been angry at her before. When they were younger and she took his toys without asking or when she poked fun at his insecurities, as siblings do. But this anger is something else. This is anger mixed with betrayal. And it shines so brightly in his eyes. She has to look away. 

“I can come back any time.” Rey tries to explain. But Finn doesn’t seem to want to listen. He huffs and pushes up from his seat, stomping out to the deck. Rey stands, ready to follow him when Dad grabs her by the wrist. 

“I know this wasn’t easy but I think you are making the right choice. Finn will see it too, in time.” Dad tells her, his thumb gently stroking over her wrist bone. “Be gentle with him.”

Rey nods, fighting back her hurt. She pulls open the sliding glass door and steps out into the night. Their house is in Wisteria Beach’s main rental community, a few houses down from Aunt Leia and Uncle Han’s. It doesn’t overlook the beach but it is close enough to hear the waves crash on the shore. Finn is hunched over the wooden railing, watching the reedy grass sway in the breeze. 

“I don’t know why you want to go.” He says, not look up at her as she comes to stand next to him. “You’ve got a family right here.”

“I know but in a way she’s family too.” 

“But not like us.” Finn says finally looking at her with those big, soulful eyes. 

“I’m not trying to replace you. I’m just going to meet her. Wouldn’t you do the same if you had the chance?”

Finn looks away. “I don’t know.” He says so softly that Rey almost doesn’t hear him. 

“It’s just for the summer, if that.” Rey says, resting her head on his shoulder. “I may hate it and come back after three minutes. But I promise, I’ll come back. No amount of blood can make her family.” She echoes Uncle Han’s words. Finn rests his head on top of hers. 

“So girls huh?” He questions, shifting the conversation. “Wouldn’t happen to be one girl in particular would it? Like Rose Tico maybe.”

Rey pinches his side. “Shut up.”

Finn snickers. “Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.” 

Rey sighs. She is sixteen years old and scared shitless, but she is determined. So she thinks she’ll be just fine.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brief warning for a canonical character death.

Poe is eighteen years old and his life is pretty great. It’s his senior year of high school, he has a boyfriend, and he just got his first sponsor. He should have known that it all was going to come crashing down around him. 

It starts when his boyfriend told him he is moving. Poe is sitting at the lunch table with Rey and Finn, idly discussing their plans for the weekend when his boyfriend stops by. He doesn’t sit down like he normally does. Instead he looks at Poe with a blank face and tells him that he’s moving to Texas. Today. Right after school. He doesn’t say anything else. He just walks away and right out of Poe’s life. It’s so sudden and so abrupt that Poe can’t wrap his brain around it. He goes about his day in a fog, not noticing the concerned looks Finn and Rey keep sending his way or the gentle way they guide him around school.   
It doesn’t really hit him until he’s home, crying into his pillow while Ma strokes his hair.

Then the letters come.

Months have passed since his first real break up and life seems to have gotten back on track. He’s been working harder than ever on his surfing; entering every competition he can to gain some traction and it seems to be working. Realistically, he knows that the end of senior year means people, specifically Finn and Rey, will be going off to college. But that seemed so far away and he has been so focused working on his own life after school to really think of it all as more than an abstract thought. 

That is until Finn and Rey bring their acceptance letters to their weekly Friday night dinner at the Dameron/Bey house. In three months, Finn will be shipping off to UCLA and Rey will be heading to MIT. He’s happy for them, of course he is, he could not be prouder but there is a little voice that keeps whispering in his ear that they are leaving him behind. His own plans after graduation are taking him all over America’s coast line, them leaving for college is no different. But for some reason, it hurt way more than it should. 

Still, it was three months away. He still has plenty of time to worry about it then. 

But of course, the world still isn’t done fucking with him yet. Because apparently, Poe Dameron isn’t meant to have a happy life. 

Graduation is in a week. Finals are done. The only school related responsibilities left are to show up on time for the ceremony. So Poe, Finn, and Rey spend their new found freedom on the beach. Poe is trying and failing to teach Rey how to surf while Finn watches, laughing until he is in stitches. 

“You suck at this.” Finn says wiping tears from his eyes as his sister falls off the board once again. 

“Yeah, well you try it then.” She snaps, shaking the water from hair. 

Finn laughs harder. “I wasn’t talking about you. I was talking about him. You’re a shit teacher Poe.”

Poe scowls and splashes water in his friends face. “A rock would be easier to teach than Rey.”

“You’re an asshole you know that.” Rey says with a sickly sweet smile before climbing back up on the board. Poe is about to tip her off when a figure standing on the beach catches his eye. The figure is waving their arms at the three of them frantically. 

“Is that Leia?” Poe asks, squinting at the figure on the beach. Rey shields her eyes from the sun and shrugs. 

“It looks like her.”

“I guess we should go see what she wants.” Finn says starting to swim back to shore. Poe and Rey follow, taking turns at dunking one another under the waves. When they do finally make it back to the beach, they are breathless from laughing. 

The figure is in fact Leia but something about her demeanor is off. Her eyes are puffy and red as if she’s been crying. She tries to smile at them as they walk closer to her. In her hands she holds Poe’s change of clothes. 

“You need to change.” She says handing him the bundle. “Quickly.”

“Is everything alright?” Poe asks slipping on his shirt. 

“I’ll explain on the way.” Is all Leia says. “Luke wants you two to head home please.” She directs to Finn and Rey. 

Rey crosses her arms defiantly. “What’s going on Aunt Leia?” she all but demands. 

Leia closes her eyes; an errant tear slips down her cheek. “Rey please, take your brother and go home. Luke will explain everything. Right now, Poe and I need to go.” 

Poe’s heart stops in his chest. There is something in her tone that sets him into a panic. He doesn’t protest as Leia takes him by the hand and pulls him away from his friends. 

His panic only grows as Leia starts driving towards the hospital. “It’s Ma isn’t? She’s getting worse?” Poe asks in hushed whisper. The past few weeks his Ma hasn’t been feeling well but from the grim line on Leia’s face, it’s clear to see that whatever is wrong with his Ma just got a whole lot worse. 

“I’m sorry Poe.” 

Poe clenches his hands into fists, his nails biting at the soft flesh of his palms. He doesn’t say a word as Leia leads him through the hospital, his heart thumping loudly in his ears. She comes to a stop in front of a room and gently pushes him inside. Poe almost throws up at the sight of his Ma resting on the hospital bed. She is pale and tiny, so unlike herself. She smiles at him as he ventures further into the room. Pops grabs onto him as soon as he is close enough. 

“Mama.” Poe cries, the tears slipping hot and fat down his cheeks. “What’s going on?”

“My love, my sun and stars.” She reaches for him with a thin and fragile hand. “Don’t cry, it’ll be alright.” 

It’s clear from the look on her face, the pain in his Pop’s eyes that nothing about this will be alright. His Ma is lying in a hospital bed, how the fuck can any of this be alright? But he nods anyways and blinks his tears away, wanting to believe, just for a second that she is right. He wants to believe that the doctor will come sweeping in with good news, that all three of them will leave his hellish place happy and healthy. So he holds onto her hand tightly and does his best to believe. 

Two hours later, Shara Bey is gone. 

He doesn’t remember much after that. Somehow he gets home because the next thing he knows, he is sitting on his bed with a blanket wrapped around him. He thinks he should be slightly concerned but he can’t bring himself to care. Nothing really matters anymore anyways. His Ma is dead. 

He doesn’t flinch when his bedroom door flies open. He doesn’t even acknowledge Finn when he calls his name. He just sits there, looking blankly at the wall. 

Warm arms wrap around him and slowly begin to rock him back and forth. He starts crying again at some point, a comforting voice whispering in his ear to let it all out, that he is safe. It only makes him cry harder.   
He doesn’t know how much time has passed, it could have been hours, days - he doesn’t know or care. Food is brought in and left to sit on his dresser growing cold. But the one thing that remains constant are the warm arms surrounding him, the comforting voice in his ear urging him to drink some water. He falls asleep in those arms, a deep dreamless sleep where nothing can touch him. 

Ma’s funeral takes place two days after graduation. It’s a bright, sunny day – perfect weather. Poe sweats in his suit. Half of Wisteria Beach shows up for the service. People Poe doesn’t even know stand up and give speeches about how Shara touched their lives, how much they will miss her. 

It’s a load of bullshit. But he sits through it all like a good son. He lets people shake his hand or pull him into a hug. People tell him how sorry they are, like he gives a shit. Their sympathy isn’t going to bring her back, so what good is it?

He can’t cry anymore, all of his tears spent. He swallows thickly when a member of the Honor Guard hands the folded flag to his father but he doesn’t cry. He’s hollow, empty. All of his feelings, his pain and rage lowered into the ground and covered with dirt. 

Through it all Finn is by his side. He sleeps on the floor in his bedroom. He makes sure Poe eats. He sits with him in silence, not offering empty platitudes or meaningless words. Sometimes, he’ll cry, when he thinks Poe is asleep. It shakes something loose in him, breaks through the haze that has settled over his mind. Finn lost someone too. Ma was just as much a mother to Finn and Rey as she was to him.   
Poe slips down to the floor and holds him as he cries. 

Finn very rarely leaves Poe’s side that summer. Poe doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to repay him for that. Of course, Finn would staunchly refuse any form of repayment, saying that it was the right thing to do. But that’s because Finn is good, down to his last atom. He is so good. And Poe, despite everything, he is head over heels in love with him. 

In fact, Poe’s pretty sure he’s been in love with Finn before he even realized that he liked guys. Finn is this incredible source of light and Poe is completely helpless against it. His deep, soulful eyes, his easy, carefree smile, his open and giving heart, Poe never stood a chance. 

And now after everything, he has never been surer of how he feels. But he should have known, god damn it, he should have known that it could never be. Because Finn is leaving for school and he doesn’t feel the same way. 

But if there is one thing Poe is good at, it’s fucking up all the good in his life.

It’s the night before Finn and Rey are supposed to leave. Summer is finally coming to an end. They are sitting at the base of the oak tree in Poe’s front yard, trying to avoid thinking about what’s happening tomorrow. It’s not an easy thing to do. Rey is talking animatedly from inside the house about her plans once she moves into her dorm, how excited she is to start her classes. It’s unavoidable. 

“You know I’ll text you every day right? And come home every chance I can?” Finn tells him almost desperately. 

“Yeah, I know you will buddy.” Poe sighs, feeling far too weary for only eighteen. “I expect nothing less.”

“And maybe you and Kes could come and visit?”

“Pass up those California waves? You bet your ass we’ll visit.”

Finn snorts. “Well I was hoping you’d come and visit me but yeah, go surf barnacle brain.”

Poe nudges his shoulder. “Of course we’d visit you pal.”

Finn turns to face him, locking that mesmerizing gaze onto Poe. “I’m really going to miss you Poe.”

“Hey,” Poe aims to sound lighthearted but his throat has gone dry. “It’s not like you’re leaving forever right? And like you said, we’ll text every day. It’s just a couple of miles, not the end of the world.”  
Finn rolls his eyes. “Only you would call 2,546 miles a ‘couple’ of miles.”

Poe reaches out and grabs Finn’s shoulders. “Listen to me.” He says firmly. “No matter how far away, 5 miles or 6,000 miles, I’ll always be your friend. You’re stuck with me pal, deal with it.”

Finn smiles and Poe’s heart leaps in his chest. “You’re something else Dameron, you know that.”

“So are you Skywalker.” 

He doesn’t know why he does it. Maybe it’s because of the way Finn is looking at him. Or maybe it’s because Poe is destined to sabotage his own life, but he does it anyways. The air is thick, heavy with so much emotion, Poe just acts.

He leans forward without thinking, closing the space between them.

And kisses Finn’s lips, soft and sweet. For a moment everything is right in the world, this whole shitty summer blinking out of existence in one barely there kiss. Just for one second, everything is…perfect.

Until it isn’t.

One minute Finn is there, solid, warm, and real and the next he’s pushing Poe away, scrambling to his feet. Poe falls backwards, barely catching himself on his elbows, staring up at Finn with wide eyes.

“What the hell was that?” Finn hisses, his face carefully blank. His hand swipes at his lips as if he is trying to wipe the feeling of Poe off. 

Bile rises in Poe’s throat, a white hot spike of fear slicing down his spine. 

“I-I’m sorry.” He mumbles unable to look away from Finn. His face is blank but his eyes, Finn could never hide the emotion swirling in his eyes. He’s looking at Poe with such naked anger and distrust. Poe wants to take everything back. He wants to erase the last few seconds and go back to the playful teasing from before. He wants to do anything to have Finn looking at him like a friend, not a stranger, not like he is now. “I-I don’t-”

“I’m not like that Poe.” 

Poe nods fervently. “I know, I’m s-sorry I didn’t mean it.”

Finn takes another step back, furthering the distance between them. Those beautiful, wonderful eyes are shuttered and cold. Poe feels his whole world come crashing down around him. “I’m going home. Tell them I went home.” 

“Yeah,” Poe says weakly. Finn doesn’t wait any longer; he walks down the sidewalk with his shoulders hunched. He watches until Finn is out of sight before dragging his knees up to his chest. 

Eventually, he goes inside. Poe conveys Finn’s message to his father before shutting himself away in his room. He doesn’t go with his Pops to see Finn and Rey off the next day. He waits, with little hope to receive a text from Finn saying that he made it to school safe but it never comes. All those promises they made, gone in a blink of an eye because Poe is stupid and impulsive and selfish and a fuckup.

Poe is eighteen years old and he is pretty good at ruining his life.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all who have read so far and for the kudos! I appreciate it very much! I hope y'all are enjoying it :)

_Ten Years Later_

Finn looks down at the boarding pass on his phone then over to the clock on his computer and sighs.

“You’re the only person I know who gets this worked up about taking a vacation.” Jannah says from her desk.

“It’s not a vacation.” Finn mumbles. “It’s a summons.” He drops his phone on his desk and hides his face in his hands. It is too early to be this stressed.

“Ok harsh.” Jannah scoots her chair over to him. “You’re just visiting family right?”

“Just visiting family implies that it’s a mutual agreement, I’m being forced into this against my will.”

“Finn, when is that last time you went home?”

Finn swallows thickly. He knows exactly how long it’s been since he’s gone home. He has an annoying father and sister to remind him about it constantly. It’s been awhile and honestly it’s not his fault. Maybe for the first few years it was but everything after has been completely out of his control. Or at least that’s what he likes to tell himself. Besides, he has a good thing going for him right now and he talks to his family literally every day. So what if it had been nearly ten years since he stepped foot in Florida for longer that three days, he’s still in contact with the people that matter.

“I take it from your silence it’s been awhile. Finn,” Jannah pulls his hands away from his face. She looks at him with her wide honey brown eyes and gives him a gentle smile. “Don’t you think it’s time to go home and see your family in person?”

Finn leans back in his chair and looks at the pictures on his desk – Rey’s graduation, Rey standing in front of the entrance to the Kennedy Space Center, Dad on the beach, Uncle Han and Aunt Leia leaning over a mini version of himself as he blows out the candles on his birthday cake. Of course it would be nice. But getting an email from his father requesting his presence and a plane ticket doesn’t have the same warm and fuzzy feelings to it that a quick, ‘hey son, I miss you why don’t you come visit for a couple of weeks’ does.

“I guess it would.” He concedes. Jannah gives him a triumphant grin.

“Besides, word is they are opening a new research facility down there.” She winks at him. “You can snoop around and see your new digs.”

“I haven’t said yes yet.” Finn points a finger at her. “And I still don’t know if I want to say yes.”

“Finn come on.” Jannah groans. “This is a huge opportunity. You’d be leading your own research team, you can’t let this pass you up.”

Finn knows it’s a huge opportunity. It’s not every day that they offer someone without a doctorate a lead research position. He should jump at the chance. It would make finishing his thesis so much easier but what it all comes down to is: location.

For the past five years he’s been part of a small research team working out of The Monterey Bay Aquarium Research Institute. It’s been a dream come true but now the Institute is working in conjunction with the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission to open a facility dedicated to studying the impacts Red Tide has on oceanic wildlife over a long period of time. A topic that Finn just so happens to be researching for his doctorate thesis, a new facility that is a quick ten minute drive from Wisteria Beach, and an opportunity his team lead thinks would be ideal for him to oversee.

Taking this job would mean leaving behind the life he’s built for himself in California and return home. And he’s not so sure that’s something he wants to do. Don’t most people leave home to start a new life? How many people end up going home and still call it a success?

“If you don’t take it, I will.” Jannah says pushing away from her desk.

“They didn’t offer it to you.” Finn points out.

“True, but if you turn it down maybe they will.”

Finn rolls his eyes, reaching for his bag. “Keep dreaming.”

“Hey Finn,” She says as he makes his way to the door of their tiny, cramped office. “Try and have some fun ok? I don’t know what your whole deal is with your family or what’s going on at home but don’t let it get you down. You deserve some time off. Enjoy it.”

“No promises.” Finn gives her a smile before leaving. On his way back to his apartment, he starts making a list of everything he still needs to do before his flight. Why his father booked him a flight in the middle of the afternoon, he’ll never know but it’s done nothing to help his procrastination. He probably shouldn’t have even bothered going into work today but he is about to take two weeks off. He has to be sure that everything is in place before leaving for so long.

As soon as he gets home, he quickly throws his clothes into his bag, making sure everything is turned off and unplugged, rushing through the hallways grabbing things left and right and stuffing them away. He makes it to the airport with enough time to grab a snack before boarding.

Finn checks his phone to see a text from his Dad saying a car will be picking him up from the airport. He tries not to feel upset that his Dad won’t be there personally to welcome home but it does sting just a little. There is a text from Rey as well; a string of emojis that makes his head hurt just trying to decipher the meaning. He shoots off a gif in response before flipping his phone into airplane mode and settling in his seat for the flight.

Five hours later, Finn is very tired and unfortunately back in Florida. It’s not like he hasn’t been back home at all since going away for college. He came home for Thanksgivings and Christmases but chose to spend his summers working. And no, he wasn’t avoiding anyone, despite what Rey likes to say. He just hasn’t had the time. That’s the reason. It had nothing to do with a guy. Nothing like that at all.

The drive from the airport passes quickly, much to his dismay, and all too soon he is standing in front of his childhood home, the distant calls of sea birds and sloshing waves offering their greetings. He thumps up the winding stairs of their beach house and throws open the door, bracing himself for…something.

It never comes. Cracking open an eye, Finn looks around to find the house dark and surprisingly empty. He can’t help his disappointment. With slumped shoulders, he stomps his way up to his childhood room and begins emptying his suitcase.

The room looks the same as it always has. Same posters of whales on the walls, same jars filled with sand and shells on the bookcase, the same pictures of his family, all frozen in time. One picture in particular catches his eye, one that he distinctly remembers not being there. Sitting innocently on his nightstand is a photo of him and a curly haired boy sitting on the beach with a bright orange towel wrapped around their shoulders; they couldn’t have been older than ten.

Finn picks up the frame and sits down on his bed. He doesn’t remember this day or who took the picture. But there is something about it that makes his heart twist uncomfortably in his chest. He traces his finger over the image of the curly haired boy, blinking hard.

He would be lying if he said he hadn’t thought of Poe Dameron in ten years. But his sister doesn’t need to know that. As far as she is concerned, he hasn’t thought of Poe since the day he left Wisteria Beach. But he has. In fact he would be hard pressed to find a day where he hasn’t thought of Poe. There is always something that triggers a memory of his former best friend and it is always, without fail, followed swiftly with a white hot flare of shame.

He’s lost count of the number of texts and emails he’s started and then immediately deleted. How do you apologize for something that happened ten year ago? How do you make up after going for so long without talking?

Finn places the photo face down on his nightstand. He’s far too sober to be dealing with these thoughts.

So he makes his way back downstairs in search of something to drink, when he spots a piece of paper on the kitchen table. His Dad’s nearly illegible scrawl fills the space informing his that he is too report to Kes’ house at 6:30 sharp for family dinner.

Finn lets the paper fall from his hands and glances at the clock on the microwave. The Dameron household is an easy ten minute walk from the house, something he and his sister took advantage of every chance they could get when they were younger. If they weren’t at home or at the beach, they were most likely at the Dameron/Bey house or well, he guesses it’s just the Dameron house now.

With a sigh, he grabs the spare house keys and set off. His only saving grace in all of this (or perhaps the biggest lie he is clinging to) is that he won’t have to see Poe in person. If there was anyone destined to leave this sleepy beach town, it’s him. He’s probably off living in Hawaii or somewhere tropical, making a name for himself as the world’s greatest surfer. Or at least, that’s what Finn is hoping.

The sticky summer air wraps around him as he walks past the brightly colored tourist shops that dot the sandy road. Families with oversized totes and sun burnt skin shuffle past in search of some ‘authentic’ seafood, bickering about trivial things. Sweat begins to bead on his brow as he walks, the salty breeze coming off the water offering little reprieve from the heat. As miserable as it feels, something aligns in Finn’s chest, something that the equally toasty California climate could never truly offer, something like coming home.

He blames the heat for the sudden optimistic feeling that washes over him as he turns down the familiar street leading to the Dameron house. It looks just as he remembers, the same massive oak trees shading the sand covered street, the same squat little houses, and overgrown palms. The only difference is the house on the corner. For as long as Finn can remember, that house stood empty and derelict. But now it looks brand new, bright white with vibrant orange shutters and trim – an odd choice but, it’s Florida, odd things are to be expected. A furry face pops up in the large picture window as Finn walks by, bringing a smile to his lips.

The Dameron house, another strange Florida sight with its deep navy and rust color paint job, sits at the end of the street looking just as it did ten years ago. Finn pushes open the gate leading to the backyard smiling at the same fairy lights hanging from the trees, the same fire pit crackling merrily, and the same long table where his family sits waiting for him.  
“Finn!” Rey cries, launching herself from her seat and into his arms. Finn hugs her back just as tightly.

“Hey Rey.” He beams into her shoulder. No amount of facetime calls or text messages could ever replace seeing his sister in person. Her energetic and slightly chaotic personality shines out of her like a supernova. He missed seeing it in person.

“At long last the prodigal son returns home.” Dad says throwing his arms out wide, smacking Uncle Han in the face. His eyes are crinkled and a smirk plays on his face, nearly hidden by his unruly beard.

Finn rolls his eyes. “I think you’re being just a little be dramatic.” He says letting go of Rey and taking in the familiar faces around him.

“Ten years is a long time kiddo.” Kes says, handing Finn a beer. “It’s good to see you mijo.”

“Kes.” Finn takes the offered beer and leans into a one arm hug. He looks just as Finn remembers, sharp jaw and neatly trimmed beard – a little greyer than before yet still the same none the less. In fact, everyone looks a little greyer. Uncle Han is all grey, his hair still a carefully controlled mess and his face a little more lined. Aunt Leia looks as graceful as ever, the thick bars of grey artfully scattered in her dark hair.

“Welcome home kid.” Uncle Han waves. Aunt Leia gets up from her seat and pulls him into a deep hug.

“It’s so good to have you home Finn.” She tells him, pulling back to stroke his cheek with her thumb. “Tell me everything.”

She leads him to the empty chair next to hers and diligently listens as he fills her in on his life. Kes brings out dinner somewhere between Finn telling them about his new coworker Jannah and moving into his second apartment. His Dad wasn’t a terrible cook but just about everything he made paled in comparison to Kes’ cooking. He always pulled out the stops for their traditional family night dinners and tonight was no different.

Kes brings out plates piled high with his signature tamales and burgers. Finn wants to stuff his face with all of it. All at once.

“Tell them about the new research facility.” Rey interjects with her mouth full of food. Finn groans.

Secretly he was hoping Rey would have forgotten about that little fact he shared with her. He didn’t want everyone to know and try to force him into taking the position. Not that any of them would actually force him into doing something but there would be looks and vague conversations and honestly, Finn can do without that.

“What new research facility?” Dad questions. “There’s a new research facility? Why don’t I know about this new research facility?”

Finn rubs at his temples. “It’s nothing. Technically Rey shouldn’t even know about it.”

“Well then you shouldn’t have told me.” She singsongs. Every eye at the table is now looking at him expectantly. He sighs and opens his mouth to explain when the back gate swings opens and a little orange and white Corgi comes darting into the backyard followed by one Poe Dameron.

Finn’s blood freezes in his veins.

“Sorry I’m late,” Poe says, running fingers through his curly hair. Rey sequels loudly and throws herself from her seat, scooping the little dog up in her arms, cooing at it like a baby. Finn is pretty sure he just died. “I had some bum who wouldn’t take the hint and leave.” He kisses his dad on the cheek and nods to Han and Dad.

“How is Ms. Jessika doing these days?” Leia asks, folding her hands under her chin primly. Poe turns towards her and all the color rushes from his face.

It’s been ten years since Finn has seen those eyes. He’s dreamed about them countless times, what they looked like when Poe laughed, how the corners would crinkle. They’ve haunted him too, when his candy coated dreams shift into nightmares, replaying the last time he saw Poe over and over and over, the fear and self loathing magnified tenfold. And now those are eyes are locked on him, right here, right now.

“Look who’s here Poe!” Rey says climbing to her feet, the dog still in her arms. “Finn came home!”

“Uh, yeah.” Poe’s voice cracks. “I see that.”

“He was just telling us about a new research facility.” Dad says shooting a knowing look to the older adults around the table. Finn doesn’t have enough oxygen flowing to his brain to try and figure out what that means let alone fully grasp it. All of his focus is on Poe. “You were saying son?”

“Um, they’re opening a new facility in Mosquito Lagoon.” Finn can’t look away. He wants to, he wants to look anywhere but at Poe’s shocked face but his brain has decided to stop working apparently. “And they uh, want me to lead the research team.” He forces out, finally dragging his eyes down to his half empty plate.

He is only distantly aware of the congratulatory remarks of his family around him, all he can really hear is how loudly his heart is pumping in his ears. Surely this is all a dream, a horrible, terrible dream and he is going to wake up any second.

“What do you think Poe?” he hears his Dad ask, snapping Finn from his thoughts and bringing Poe once more into his focus.

Heat seeps across Poe’s cheeks as he rubs the back of his neck. “I think that’s great.” He mumbles. “That’s really great Finn.”

Finn thinks he manages a response but he isn’t entirely sure. Just like he can’t be one hundred percent sure this isn’t some fever dream and he’s actually still in California. The night must go on but Finn is too busy living in a Poe induced haze.

So much for Poe not still being in town. So much for a drama free vacation with the family.

“You doin’ alright kiddo?” Dad swings an arm over his shoulder as they walk back to the house. Finn blinks up the dark sky and wants to laugh. Is he doing alright? Finn is pretty sure he is the furthest thing from alright.

“Just tired.” He responds.

“Well get some sleep tonight. I hear Rey has a lot planned for you tomorrow.”

Finn groans.

“Only good things I swear.” Rey promises, wrapping an arm around his.

Right. Finn has his doubts about that.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all for reading and for the kudos, bookmarks, and subs! I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it! I'd love to know what you think!

Finn wakes to a Rey shaped projectile landing forcefully on his bed, nearly crushing him to death.

“What the hell Rey?” He grumbles, trying to untangle himself from the sheets.

Rey looks at him with a mischievous smile. “It’s time to wake up sleepy head.”

“I’m on vacation Rey.” Finn slumps back into his pillows, letting his eyes close. “I get to sleep in. Jet lag and all that.”

“C’mon Finn, I need to stop by Han’s before we hit the road.” She wines, bouncing up and down on his mattress.

Finn cracks open an eye. “Hit the road? What exactly do you have planned for today?”

Rey’s whole face lights up and Finn groans internally. “Oh no. I am not getting out of this bed until you tell me exactly what we are doing. Don’t play that innocent little me act, I’ve known you since you were a baby. You can’t fool me”

His sister deflates a little at that, rolling her eyes. “You make it sound like I’m going to kidnap you and take you to a foreign country.”

“Do you really not remember that time you almost talked Poe and I into sealing a boat and sailing to the Bahamas?”

“I still stand by that plan.” She points at him. “And it would have worked if Leia didn’t stop us.”

“You mean if Leia didn’t prevent us from committing larceny and most likely dying a horrible, watery death.”

“Semantics.” Finn snorts at her nonchalant attitude. “I promise I’m not going to kidnap you.” Rey looks at him earnestly. “I was going to take you to my apartment and show you around my job. You haven’t seen it yet in person and we’d get to spend some time together, you know? Just you and me.”

Finn reaches for her hand that is currently twisting his bed sheet into knots. “That sounds like a great plan Rey. Just maybe don’t wake me up by jumping on me?”

“No promises.” Rey rolls off the bed. “Now get up, we have to stop by the garage before we go. We have to get my baby.”

“Your what now?” Finn pushes himself up off of his bed, stretching out his back.

“You’ll see.” Rey winks, throwing him a t-shirt and shorts. “Now chop chop!”

Finn groans. “Why can’t you ever just tell me things?”

“The anticipation is the best part!” Rey calls from the hallway. Finn huffs. Best part my ass. None the less, he dresses quickly and fills a thermos full of coffee for this perpetually disgruntled Uncle.

“Doesn’t Han have a coffee maker at the garage?” Finn asks, adjusting the dark sunglasses covering his eyes as they walk down the sidewalk.

“I wouldn’t call that sludge coffee.” Rey wrinkles her nose, squeezing between groups of vacationers. The streets are packed with early going beach goers, searching out breakfast and parking. They weave in and out of crowds until Uncle Han’s garage comes into view. In typical fashion, the three garage doors are open wide. Rey runs towards a sleek silver car, throwing herself onto the hood. “Hello baby.”

Uncle Han sticks his head in from the front office, spying the thermos Finn is carrying and making grabby hands. “Good morning to you too.” Finn chuckles, handing the coffee over.

“Can we take her out today?” Rey asks, still glued to the car.

“Don’t ask me.” Han grumbles waving at the man working under the only other car in the garage. Rey detaches herself from the hood and stomps over to the worker.

“I know you can hear us you asshole.” She grabs the man by the ankle and pulls.

Poe Dameron comes sliding into view with his middle fingers raised and grease stains all over his face.

Well _shit_.

He had made a plan, after the disaster that was last night’s dinner. A well thought out and meticulous plan that would make a reoccurrence of last night’s debacle nearly impossible. He had thought very hard, staring at the ceiling waiting for sleep to come.

Of course, how he was supposed to fall asleep after his former best friend that he hasn’t spoken to in ten years was suddenly right there, he didn’t really know. Every time he closed his eyes all he could see was Poe’s terrified face. It was older but just the same as it was on that day. Finn would give anything to never have to see that look again.

So he made a plan. A brilliant and fool proof plan that would make sure that the remainder of his stay in Wisteria Beach would be free of one Poe Dameron.

It would be easy. It should be easy. He would just stay at the house or actively avoid the places he knew Poe would be at. Like the beach or at Kes’ house. But apparently he thought wrong because here Poe is, decked out in grey coveralls and covered in grease.

Of all the places he could have been – his house, surfing, or any of Finn’s “Poe approved” hangouts – he just so happens to be at Han’s garage at this very moment. Because of course he is. Because Finn’s life is one big practical joke. Try to avoid Poe and Poe will magically appear.

That’s when his brain makes the connection: Poe, the coveralls, the car. 

“You work here.” Finn blurts earning him a muffled snort from Rey and a very blank look from Poe. Nice. Really great. The first actual words he says to the man in over ten years and it sounds like he is looking down at his job. Just perfect. “I mean, I didn’t know you worked here.”

“I do.” Poe replies. He brushes his dirty hands on his coverall that by all rights he should have no business looking so good in. But he does because once again, Finn’s life is a joke. One big hilarious _joke_.

“That’s uh,” Finn trails off at a loss for words.

Poe working in Han’s garage is the last thing Finn ever expected him to do. He didn’t even know Poe knew anything about cars let alone how to fix them. It’s not…right. Poe should be out on the water, taking the surf world by storm. Not fixing cars. “That’s cool.”

“Can’t all be marine biologists.” Poe shrugs.

It feels wrong. It’s more than just his tone or the emptiness in his expression. There is a flatness to it. Seeing Poe grease stained and fixing cars, it adds to an unease that is forming in Finn’s gut.

It’s not right. Everything feels like the world has been flipped. It settles deep in his stomach, twisting and poking. A sharp nagging feeling of _wrongness_.

“It’s a good job.” Finn says lamely looking at a speck of dust by his shoe.

Thankfully, Rey puts him out of his misery. “Can we take her out? I want to take Finn to my apartment.” Her hands come to rest on her hips, her chin jutting out as if she is expecting a fight. Poe just sighs, waving a hand.

“I don’t care. Do whatever.” He grumbles before pushing himself back under the car and out of view.

“Well that was easier than expected.” Rey says mostly to herself. “C’mon Finn, daylight’s a wasting!”

“You planned this didn’t you?” Finn says later in the car, the windows rolled down letting the ocean air fill the space.

“Yes, I told you I planned this.”

“No, this morning with Poe.” Finn reaches over and turns the music down. “You wanted that to happen.”

Rey casts him a look. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I know what you’re trying to do and I’m telling you it’s not going to work.” Finn crosses his arms and looks out as the miles of beach houses fly by. “People change, you can’t go back.”

Rey just hums and turns the music back up. He would like to think that would be the end of it and he can get back to his avoid Poe Dameron at all costs plan but he knew his family too well. It was never going to be that easy.

Within the first three days of being home, he and Rey have ‘accidentally’ run into Poe at least ten times each encounter just as awkward as the last.

Dad, of course gets in on it – never one to pass up a chance to meddle in his children’s lives. He had talked Finn into a trip to the grocery store only to ‘bump’ into a very confused and slightly dazed Poe within seconds of entering the store. Dad being Dad, trapped Poe into a long and convoluted discussion about the benefits of cow’s milk verses soy milk that seemingly had no end. Poe took it all in stride because that’s just who he was. Finn on the other hand was just about ready to die from embarrassment.

Even Han takes a stab at it. Han of all people. The grumpiest man Finn knows. He oh so pleasantly asks him to run by the shop one evening and pick something he left at the garage. It’s late enough that no one should even be there. But of course, Finn has the shittiest luck in the world and runs right into Poe as he opens the front door. Literally runs into him. Their bodies collide in a tangled mess of arms and curses. After a lot of blushing and mumbled apologies, he steps aside, letting Poe escape into the night.

His avoid Poe plan is laughing at him from its grave.

The only saving grace in all of this is his Aunt. But Finn has his doubts. She’s still a Skywalker by blood.

So when Aunt Leia invites him to a picnic on the beach, Finn accepts. With caution.

They find a nice spot, a little too close to Kes’ surf shop for his liking but he goes with it. He helps her set up the umbrella and unload the cooler all the while talking about how his thesis is going. Finn starts to relax.

He should have known better.

Half way through their lunch a small gathering of school aged children forms a little ways down the beach. They all have on bright orange t-shirts and equally bright orange surf boards clenched in their fists. It’s not uncommon to find surf classes that pop up along the beach. But that’s not what has Finn wanting to hide his head in the sand. It’s the teacher.

His Aunt plays a dirty, dirty game.

“So Poe works at a garage and teaches surf lessons.” Finn squints at the figure down the beach, with his stupid orange shirt and stupid curly hair. That nagging sense of wrongness is back. The world looks off kilter again.

“He does.” Leia nods, cracking open a book.

“Why?”

“Why what?” she peers over her sunglasses at him. “Why does he have jobs?”

“No, why isn’t he surfing?” Finn scoops up a fistful of sand and lets the grains slip through his fingers, letting the smooth texture distract his mind from the unease raging a war in his mind. “I thought he was all set to do the professional circuit after graduation. Why’d he stop?”

Leia closes her book and slips her sunglass up to rest on the top of her head. “That’s Poe’s story to share.” She pauses, considering. “All that I can say is this; peoples’ lives very rarely turn out exactly as they plan. Shara’s death changed him, changed his plans. A lot of things did that summer. He took what was left and moved on. Sometimes that’s all you can do.”

Finn swallows down a flash of guilt and starts to cover his feet with the sand. Part of him had hoped it was just Rey who knew something had happened between him and Poe that summer Shara died. It seemed unlikely but still Finn liked to believe it. It was better than the alternative, everyone knowing what had happened, how he single handedly ruined his friendship with Poe Dameron. But it seems they do know, or at least, they know something happened.

He wonders if he should stop at covering his feet or just bury himself completely in the sand. It might be better for everyone in the long run.

“You should talk to him.” Leia slips her glasses back over her eyes. “It might do you both some good.”

“So you’re in on it too?” he squints at her.

“In on what?” Leia doesn’t even look up from her book.

“This scheme Rey and the others – and you too apparently - have cooked up to get me to interact with Poe.” He huffs. “You know, I’m starting to think this whole trip was just a big ruse to fulfill some fantasy y’all have concocted and not actually about me coming home.”

“Finn,” Leia grabs his hand. “Your family may be conniving and may not know when to keep their noses out of other people’s business but I assure you, your father asked you to come home because he misses you. We all do.”

“And this whole obsession everyone seems to have with me and Poe?”

Leia sighs and lets her head fall back against her beach chair. “Finn, I might not know what happened between the two of you but I know it’s something Rey, all of us, would do anything to fix it. Are we going about it the wrong way? Maybe. Is Rey going to stop? Probably not. As twisted as it may seem, she is just trying to help.”

Finn snorts. “Is this your version of helping?” he waves his hand towards the surf class where Poe his helping the little kids balance on their boards. Now is not the time to think about how cute it all is.

“I call this lunch with my nephew. Anything else is just a happy coincidence.”

Finn rolls his eyes. Yeah right.

Unfortunately for him, things only seem to escalate. That night Rey drags him out of the house to get drinks, despite his very insistent protesting.

“I swear this time it’s just you and me. No surprise Poe sightings.” She assures him as they walk down the sidewalk.

“So you admit everything you’ve done the past two days was on purpose?”

Rey doesn’t break her stride. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Finn is just so tired. So, so tired. But he lets it slide. Maybe a night out with his sister is just what he needs.

Turns out it’s the exact opposite of what he needs. In fact it is the very last thing he needs. They push themselves inside of the little beach side bar and find a booth in the back. A booth with a clear shot at the bar. The bar that Poe is currently sitting at, surrounded by a group of people. Finn groans.

“We can go somewhere else.” Rey says, collecting her bag.

“No.” Finn waves his hand to catch the attention of a server. “We’re here now and with my luck, whatever bar we go to, he’ll be there too.”

“Why are you so hell bent in avoiding him?” she asks.

“Why are _you_ so hell bent in shoving us together?”

Rey waits until they have placed their orders before explaining. “Picture this. You’re about to leave for college and you’re best friend isn’t there to see you off. Your brother has been acting mopey all morning and won’t say why. You give it a few weeks before you say anything. Your best friend refuses to talk about it and your brother refuses to talk about it. You can’t help but come to the conclusion that they are both dumb idiots who are incapable of working out their issues.”

Finn gapes at her.

“Am I wrong?” He takes a healthy swig of his beer as soon as it’s placed in front of him. “Well?”

“I don’t want to talk about it Rey.” He grumbles instead. She throws her hands up in exasperation but thankfully, gratefully, moves on.

He only half listens to her as she chats away about her latest project at work, something that has to do with Mars or stars or something like that. His eyes keep drifting over to where Poe is sitting, laughing and talking with a group of friends. He looks so carefree, so happy. It makes his heart hurt.

Finn recognizes one of the Poe’s friends as Snap, a kid from high school that always nice to him and Rey. He was a surfer like Poe but nowhere near as good, in his own, unprofessional opinion – but he’s always been a little bias. He has his arm around a young woman with dark skin and bleach blonde hair that is cut short and spiky. Beside her there is another woman, long dark hair and equally dark eyes. She keeps glancing over at their booth, specifically Rey.

Well, that’s certainly interesting.

“Hey Rey,” Finn asks, cutting Rey off, “You dating anyone?”

Rey blinks. “Uh, no. Why?”

“That girl over by Poe, she keeps looking at you.” Rey nearly snaps her neck with how quickly she turns towards the bar. “Way to be subtle.” Finn groans.

“Which one?” she hisses over her shoulder.

“The one with the dark hair.”

Rey slowly turns around and sinks down in her seat. “Jessika Pava.” She says softly.

“You know her?”

Rey nods, her cheeks turning a violent shade of red. “She’s one of Poe’s surfer friends. You said she’s been looking at me?”

Finn can’t help the laugh that bubbles past his lips. “Oh my god.” He cries. “You like her!”

“Of course I like her.” She snaps, jerking a thumb over her shoulder. “Have you seen her?”

Finn chuckles. Well at least one good thing has come from this night. Rey keeps peaking over her shoulder, trying to make eye contact with the woman. Or at least until her head whips back around and she grabs Finn’s arm.

“C’mon we need to go.” She says urgently, pulling Finn out of the booth.

“What why?” He asks, confused. That’s when he sees it. A new man has joined Poe and his friends at the bar. A new man who is standing really, really close to Poe.

It’s like watching a car crash, even as Rey drags him through the crowd, Finn can’t look away. The man gets right in Poe’s space, drags and hand through those beautiful curls of his, leans in, tipping Poe’s chin up and kisses him.

Finn stumbles, blood roaring in his ears.

Rey gives his arm a firm tug and pulls him out into the street.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter amount went up because I can't count. Anyways, thanks for the love and I hope you enjoy this chapter!

“Are you ok?” Rey asks for the millionth time as they sit on the cold sand. The dark ocean sits before them, a gaping black hole waiting to swallow them up.

“I’m fine.” He says again. It’s cold out, the breeze drifting off the water feels good on his flushed cheeks. Of course he’s fine. Why wouldn’t he be fine? So Poe kissed a guy. That’s great. It’s not like he’s in a relationship with him or anything, it’s not like he has any right to be jealous.

But that’s just it, isn’t? He _is_ jealous. He’s so fucking jealous. The way that guy just sauntered into Poe’s space, like he belonged there, like it was natural. Finn wanted that to be him. He wanted to be the one to run his fingers through Poe’s hair. He wanted to feel those lips against his own. He wanted to be the one who made Poe’s eyes crinkle, he wanted to be the reason Poe smiled. But he wasn’t. And he only has himself to thank for that.

“It’s ok if you’re not.” Rey says quietly. She’s holding onto his hand like a lifeline. She did it a lot their junior year of high school, before she went off to live with her birth mother for a summer. He’s beginning to think it was just as much of an act of comfort for him as it was for her.

He thinks about her hand in his, this soft and warm comforting weight. He feels her hand in his and wishes it was someone else’s.

“I think I love him.” His voice is a broken whisper, barely audible above the dark waves. “I think I’ve always been in love with him.”

Rey squeezes his hand. “I know.”

“He kissed me.” Finn blinks back the sting of tears in his eyes. “The night before we left for school.”

“Finn,” Rey wraps an arm around his shoulders. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

“I might as well.” He says with a bitter smile. Everyone already knows something happened between them. She might as well know how it went down, how he gave up his one chance to be with the guy he loved. And it’s not like it is going to change anything. Poe has somebody in his life who can kiss him and it isn’t Finn. “We were talking about school, about how he could come and visit whenever he wanted. I thought it would be good for him you know? We were just joking around and then, I don’t know something changed. He got this look in his eyes and for a second I couldn’t think, then he kissed me.”

Finn can still feel the phantom memory of Poe’s lips on his. Soft and sweet, if a little unsure. And for the briefest of moments, everything felt _right_. His worries about leaving home and being away from his family, gone in one simple and perfect action. But then the fear came. Sharp and paralyzing. The world shifting in a matter of seconds.

“And I freaked out. I pushed him away.” Finn chuckles humorlessly, the old familiar feeling of self loathing creeping up his spine. “I pushed him away like he wasn’t my best friend and just left him there all alone.”

Regret hangs on his shoulders like an old coat, a long hated companion that he can’t seem to shake. “I don’t know why I did it. I never hated him for it.” Finn traces a finger through the cold sand. “I guess I was still confused about everything – how I felt about him, how I felt about myself – it was just so sudden, I panicked. And I ruined any chance I had with him, friend or otherwise.”

“Finn, you can’t blame yourself for that.” Rey says softly. “You said it yourself, you were confused. Surely Poe would have understood.”

Finn nods. “Yeah, he might have, if I told him. But I was too chicken shit to do that. I tried to text him and apologize and explain it all. But I didn’t know what to say, so I just didn’t say anything. And by the time I accepted that I was Bi and I had feelings towards him, it was too late.”

Rey pulls him in close, holding him tightly. He fights back the tears that threaten to fall. His throat feels tight with emotion but he doesn’t let it out. He’s cried his tears over Poe Dameron. He can’t bear to do it again. So he lets his sister hold him until the swirling mix of regret and loss fade into blank numbness.

“I’m so sorry Finn.” She says into his hair.

“There is nothing for you to be sorry about.” Finn sits up. “You can’t change the past.”

But oh if he could...he would have kissed Poe back. Without a second thought.

He pushes himself to his feet and offers Rey and hand.

After that, Rey stops trying to spring Poe on him. The days pass quietly and before he knows it, his first week home is coming to an end. He wakes up Friday morning, with a pit of dread in his stomach. Friday means dinner at the Dameron house. Dinner at the Dameron house means seeing Poe.

Finn groans and hides his face in his pillow.

His feelings on Poe have always been a confusing mess of pain and guilt. Even in the early days, before everything happened. Poe was always such a bright spot in his life and he was inexplicable drawn to him. He lost count how many times his eyes would wander, how his heart would skip a beat at the gleam in his smile and how wanted to spend every second of every day with him. And every time, the confusion and guilt would creep up his spine, choking him.

The years have done nothing to ease those feelings. They have only succeeded in push them away and out of sight.

Being home hasn’t helped him make any sense of them. It’s only made things worse. Because now, along with the pain and guilt, there is desire and longing that curls white hot in his gut. There is unease, a nagging wrongness that seems to shroud everything surrounding Poe. His job, his attitude, even the guy he kissed – all of it melding together in an uncomfortable swell of emotions that Finn really wishes would just go away.

But Finn isn’t that lucky. No matter how hard he tries, his thoughts always wander back to him.

Poe was always this loud explosion of noise and movement. He was full of life and fire, this bright sun that pulled you into his orbit with ease. The Poe from Finn’s memories was a force of nature, beautiful and vibrant.

But the Poe that Finn sees now, still just as beautiful as before doesn’t match up with the wild fire from his memories. This Poe is quiet, reserved, missing everything that use to make him, _him_. It only adds to the muddled mess of Finn’s emotions. It pulls tight at his chest, an ache that he feels deep in his bones.

And apparently this Poe likes to kiss guys in bars.

Finn might be a little hung up on that.

He hasn’t been able to get that kiss out of his mind and he’s tried. Very hard. And yet, the kiss keeps relaying over and over like a broken record, a little different each time. Sometimes, Poe makes eye contact with Finn as Rey is pulling him from the bar, smirking like he knows just how much it hurts. But the worst is when it’s Finn who is kissing Poe and not they guy from the bar. He imagines how Poe’s stubble would feel under his hands as he cups his jaw, the smell of his aftershave, the taste of him on his tongue. He wakes from that dream in a cold sweat, his face burning and a tent in his pants.

Finn suppresses the urge to smother himself with his pillow.

It was hard enough facing Poe before all of this, now with those thoughts swirling around in his head it’s going to be nearly impossible.

He makes his way into the kitchen, finally peeling himself out of his bed, to find his Dad sitting at the table sipping his coffee. Finn grumbles out a hello before making himself some coffee.

“Any plans for the day son?” Dad asks, turning the page of his morning paper.

Finn shrugs. “Not really. Thought I would just hang out around the house.”

His Dad nods. “Have you thought any more about taking that research position?”

Finn resists the urge to bang his head on the counter. In all fairness, his Dad waited nearly five whole days before bringing the topic up. He is low key impressed. But still, not the way he planned on starting his morning. “I’m on vacation.” Finn says in lieu of an answer.

“Yes, the perfect time to sit and think about your options.” Dad folds his paper and levels him with one of his soul searching looks. “So, what are your thoughts?”

Finn sighs and fills a cup full of coffee before taking a seat. Apparently they’re doing this. Because it’s not like Finn doesn’t have enough going on right now. “I think it’s a great opportunity, just not the right one for me.”

“And why is that?”

“Dad,” Finn rubs his forehead. “I don’t want to get into it right now.”

“I’m not trying to start a fight.” He says sincerely. “I’m only curious as to why you don’t think it’s a good fit for you. That’s all.”

Finn swirls the coffee around in his cup, gathering his thoughts, but still all he can think is, _Poe_. “I don’t know. Isn’t coming back home after moving away generally considered a failure?”

“On whose account?”

“I don’t know, everyone’s?”

Dad folds his fingers under his chin. “I think there is more to it than just that. I said I wasn’t going to start a fight and I’m not I just want you to consider one thing. The main objective in life is to overcome fear. Don’t let fear of a place, or a person, hold you back from accomplishing great things.” He pushes away from the table, clapping a hand on Finn’s shoulder as he walks past. “And for the record, you are not a failure, whether you are here or in California.”

Finn smiles down at the table. “Thanks Dad.”

“Anytime son. Oh and when you find time to take a break between all that hanging around the house, could you run this over to Kes?” he plops a thick surfing magazine down on the table. “He should be at the store in an hour. And no before you ask, Poe shouldn’t be there so you’re safe.”

Finn arches a brow.

Dad just holds his hands up innocently before disappearing. Finn sips his coffee while flipping through the magazine, his mind heavy.

He told Jannah it was about moving home. He told his Dad it was about moving home. But deep down, Finn knows that’s not the real reason.

It was Poe. Everything always leads back to Poe.

He can’t even manage a week without running into him. How is he supposed to handle living here all the time? Even if 90 percent for those run-ins were orchestrated by his sister the point still remained.

And sure, he didn’t _have_ to move back to Wisteria Beach. He could live closer to Rey if he wanted. That way his chances of running into Poe would be slim. But could he live with knowing Poe was just an hour down the road? Could he live with randomly bumping into him when he visits his family?

Finn’s blood pluses in his head, painfully.

It is far too early to be thinking about all of this. So he finishes his coffee and goes upstairs to get dressed.

Maybe a walk would be good to clear his head. He grabs the magazine off the table as he walks past, slipping sunglasses over his eyes as he steps outside. There are dark clouds on the horizon, a storm brewing out over the water. If only bad weather was enough to cancel family dinner.

It’s a quick walk from the house the Kes’ surf shop but it’s long enough for Finn’s mind to settle on more peaceful thoughts, like the nap he plans on taking as soon as he gets home.

The bell above the door chimes as he enters the nearly empty shop. The smell of board wax and sunscreen hit him like a tidal wave, memories of spending his summers running through the aisles racing to the forefront of his mind. It makes him smile.

Only a few people are pursing the shelves so early in the morning but as always, Kes is there at the register, flipping through an order catalog.

“’Morning Finn.” Kes says with a warm smile as Finn pushes his sunglasses up to rest on the top of his head. “I was startin’ to wonder when I’d see your face around here.”

There is something about Kes that makes Finn feel like he’s being wrapped up in a warm and fuzzy blanket. It makes his heart ache.

“You know Rey, she’s been keeping me busy.”

“She is something, that Rey.” He chuckles. “How’ve you been kid?”

“Doing alright. It’s nice to take a break from work.” He responds lightheartedly. “Dad said this was for you.” He slides the magazine over the counter.

“Sweet, thanks mijo.” Kez takes the book and thumbs through the pages. “Hey Finn.” He says, pausing like he is trying to drum up the courage to say something. He looks Finn over with something like regret before letting his shoulders droop, whatever he was planning on saying dying on his tongue. “Watch the front for me? While I go slip this in my office?”

“Yeah, sure.” Finn nods. He’s not sure what Kez was about say that would cause the man to have such a hopeless look. And part of him doesn’t want to find out. The heaviness that plagued his mind this morning starts slowly creeping back. It makes his skin itch and his eyes burn.

The bell above the door chimes again and Finn turns on instinct.

Walking toward him with puffy eyes and a massive case of bed head is none other than the one person he would really love to not see right now.

Poe.

He doesn’t seem to notice Finn, standing shock still in front of the register like a deer caught in headlights. He blunders past, slipping behind the counter and into the back room without as much as a glance his way.

He should go. This would be the time to just slip out and forget anything ever happened. He can catch up with Kez some other time. Or maybe never.

Finn makes it two steps before he’s caught.

“Finn?”

One person saying his name shouldn’t make his heart feel like it’s shattering but it is, like a sledge hammer to a glass window. Finn closes his eyes. Of fucking course. He plasters what he hopes is a happy smile on his face and turns around.

“Uh, hey Poe.” He gives him a sheepish little wave. “How are you?”

Poe looks him over with a sleepy yet guarded look. “Fine.” He says stiffly. “I’d ask what you’re doing here but you seem to just be randomly popping up everywhere so…”

Finn brows pinch at that. “Well, small town and all.”

“Not that small.”

There is something in the dark look Poe is giving him that sends a flash of irritation down Finn’s spine that slowly grows into anger. “I mean it’s pretty small.”

“I guess if you’re use to living in San Francisco.” Poe throws back, sounding like a sneer. He’s glaring daggers at Finn for some fucking reason and it’s really starting to piss him off. 

“Monterey, actually.” Finn snaps.

“Oh well.” Poe rolls his eyes. “Excuse me.” The way he says it makes Finn’s hands clench. If he wants a fight, Finn will give him a fight.

“Maybe if you ever left Wisteria then you’d know what a really city looks like.”

Poe crosses his arms over his chest. “It that so? Well maybe I should. I’ll just pack up my bags and leave for ten years.”

Finn feels that barb land true, the sting of it igniting a fire. “Oh so this is about me now? Nice Poe, real mature.”

“Whatever Finn.” Poe says the fight in his voice fading. But Finn is just getting started.

Anger licks his belly, year’s worth of unspoken hurt rearing its ugly head, taking control of Finn’s rational mind.

“At least I made something of my life.” He hisses. “What have you done, huh?”

“Fuck you.” Poe spits.

Blood pounds against his skull. “You know, I saw you at the bar the other night.”

“Wow what a surprise.” Poe’s lips are thin a bloodless. “I hope you have stalking on your resume.”

“Is that why you gave up? Some guy?” Finn lashes out. Because that has to be it, right? That nagging feeling that’s been following him around since day one, that illogical string of events that somehow turned the wild Poe Dameron into a homely, blue collar worker when all the signs pointed him to greatness; a guy.

“One good fuck from some guy and you give up everything?”

Poe’s eyes flash, dark and violent. A new nightmare to add to his collection.

“Boys!” Kes’ voice snaps Finn back to reality. “That’s enough.”

Finn is panting, his pulse beating an irregular rhythm against his rib cage. He gives Poe one last venomous glance before he storms out. He doesn’t know where he is headed, his feet act on their own, righteous fire raging in his blood.

There is so much building in his chest, he wants to scream. So he runs, the wet sand beneath his feet holding firm. He runs until all he can hear is the air ripping from his lungs, all he can feel is the burn in his muscles, all he knows is the rhythm of the waves.

He eventually stops, collapsing on the sand blinking back tears. He doesn’t know how long he sits there, long enough for his anger to fade into guilt.

He shouldn’t have said anything. He should have just dropped the magazine off and left. Now whatever might have been salvageable between him and Poe is gone forever. And once again, it’s his fault. He should have never come home. At least then Poe could keep on living happily in his dreams.

“Kes told me I might find you here.” Han says looking ever inch out of place with his jeans and leather jacket. He groans as he sits down on the sand beside him. “You look like shit kid.”

“Thanks.” Finn mumbles. Thunder rumbles in the distance. “You here to tell me off? Make me go apologize?”

“I’m not here to tell you shit.” Han grumbles. “If you think you need to apologize to someone, go for it.”

“You mean Kes didn’t tell you what happened?” Finn finds that hard to believe. Kes and Han go way back, old Army buddies or something. Shara use to say they gossip worse than school girls.

“He just told me where to find you.” Han looks at him with thinly veiled concern. “Do you want to tell me what happened?”

Finn kicked at the sand. “Not really.”

“Then don’t tell me.” Han shrugs. “I know it’s none of my business but I’m just going to assume something happened between you and Poe.” He pauses. “Well something else.”

“Why does everyone assume something happened between me and Poe?” Finn grumbles. “There are other things and people in my life.”

“Kid, when is it not something between you and Poe?” Han points out.

Finn huffs. He looks out to the water where the sun is hidden behind the thick clouds. “I think I really fucked it up this time Han.”

“Maybe. Maybe not. You’ll never know until you actually sit down and talk. Not throw insults at each other in a public building.”

“I knew Kes told you.” Finn gives his Uncle a gentle push.

“Who said anything about Kes? I was talking about me and Leia.”

Finn chuckles at that. “You gonna be alright finding your way back? There’s something I need to do.” Finn asks, pushing himself to his feet.

Han waves him off. “I’m old not invalid you little shit.”

“Thanks Han.” he says sincerely. “For everything.”

“Anytime kid.”

Finn races up the beach, breaking out in a light jog. It’s time to make thing right.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y'all are enjoying this story and a huge thank you to all who have left comments, kudos, and bookmarks, I greatly appreciate it! Hopefully this chapter will answer some questions and fill you with warm happy feelings! Thanks for sticking around! 
> 
> As always, this is not beta'd so all mistakes are my own.

Finn takes a deep breath before knocking on the brightly painted door in front of him. His nerves are going haywire, his palms gross and sweaty. He has a plan. Granted the last time he made a plan it went to hell within a matter of seconds. But this time, he’s sure – or at least marginally hopeful – this one will work. He really, really, really wants this one to work.

He knocks sharp and quick, his heart matching the staccato beat. There is a riot of barking and some muffled cursing before the door swings open.

Poe doesn’t look very thrilled to see him. Finn doesn’t blame him.

“I need to apologize.” Finn says in a rush before Poe can slam the closed on him. “For a few things, if you’ll let me.”

Poe stands there in the growing twilight, considering, each second adding years to Finn’s life. Eventually he nods, stepping aside to let him in. The second he crosses over the threshold, Poe’s Corgi is on him, jumping and licking every inch of Finn he can get.

“BeeBee we talked about this.” Poe says reaching down and extracting the dog from Finn’s leg. He carries the little ball of fluff down the hall and disappears.

Finn stands there in the entrance way awkwardly, unsure if he should let himself further into the house. His eyes dart from one wall to the next, taking in all the little details in an attempt to quiet his racing mind.

Somehow Poe’s house looks exactly like he thought it would. White walls covered in family photos, a beautifully painted surfboard mounted to the wall, mismatched colorful furniture that shouldn’t go together but for some reason do, and a messy coffee table, covered in old mugs and books. From the threadbare area rug, to the vibrant plants tucked into the corners, it’s all so very much Poe.

It pulls on his heart when he sees how many of those family photos he is in. His throat goes dry when he sees the picture of the two of them on the beach, towel wrapped around their shoulders as they huddle in close. The same one on his nightstand, right there, front and center on the wall for all to see. 

He bites on his lip, fighting back the swell of emotions that are threatening to take over. He has to get through this first. He has to say his peace, he can fall apart after.

Poe coughs from the entrance of the hallway, pulling Finn’s attention away from the photos. He’s leaning against the archway with an expectant look on his face.

Finn rubs at the back of his neck and looks down at his feet. “I’m sorry for what I said to you this morning.” His eyes dart up to meet Poe’s. “It was rude and uncalled for and I should have never said it. I don’t know your life. I have no right to judge you. So, I’m sorry.”

His heart is pounding loudly in his ears, his breath shaking and uncertain. He looks at Poe, waiting for something, anything. But Poe just stands there, watching Finn with an unreadable gaze.

Finn feels helpless, standing here in Poe’s house, surrounded by Poe’s things, in a life that he knows nothing about. A life he was quick to judge, a life that didn’t seem to have any room for him. And if that’s the case, Finn can live with that – he’ll have too. It doesn’t matter that he wants to march across the room and kiss him senseless. It doesn’t matter that he’s been in love with Poe before he really knew what love was. He had his chance a long time ago and he messed it up.

So if Poe wants nothing to do with him, Finn will respect that. No matter how much it hurts.

But instead of telling him off and pushing Finn out the door and out of his life, Poe asks a question. “You wanna a beer?”

Finn blinks in confusion. “Did you hear what I just said?”

“Oh yeah, I heard.” Poe rubs his chin. “C’mon, I need a drink.”

Finn follows Poe as he leads him into a small kitchen and grabs two drinks out of the fridge. He hands one to Finn and takes a seat at the table, gesturing for Finn to do the same.

“Thanks.” Finn says twisting off the top, watching Poe carefully, waiting. For what, he has no idea.

Poe picks at the label on his bottle, his brow furrowed in concentration. “I own you an apology too.” He says quietly, not looking up from his task.

Air rushes from Finn’s lungs. “No Poe, you don’t have anything to be sorry for-” He starts, all of the reasons why Poe is the last person who needs to apologize jumping to the forefront of his mind but he stops when Poe holds up a finger. 

“I do.” Poe looks up, those warm brown eyes locking on him. He looks older suddenly, tired and defeated. Finn’s heart breaks a little bit more at the sight. “I haven’t been very nice to you since you’ve been in town and you don’t deserve that. So for that I am very sorry. And for today too. I wasn’t in the best of moods and I took that out on you.”

Finn is at a loss. He came here, fully expecting his grand apology to end with a door slamming in his face. He never imagined Poe would invite him in let alone apologize himself. It feels as if the world has suddenly turned upside down.

“Listen Poe, you really don’t have anything to be sorry for ok? After everything that I put you through all these years, I wouldn’t want to be very nice to me either.”

It’s Poe’s turn to look confused. He’s blinking at Finn like he can’t believe the words that just came out of his mouth.

“Ok, so I’m a little lost.” His lips quirk up in an odd little smile. “What exactly did you put me through all these years?”

Finn flaps his hand in between them. “The whole, not talking to you for so long. You know? Everything that happened the night before I left.”

“Oh.” Poe leans back in his seat. “That.”

“The way I acted that, it was unacceptable and I would completely understand if you hate me.”

“Let’s get something clear right now,” Poe says. He sits up in his chair, arms coming to rest on the table. He looks at Finn, capturing all of his attention. He’s beautiful. “The only person who needs to apologize for that night is me. I should have never kissed you. I knew you were straight and-”

“I’m not.” Finn blurts. “Straight, I mean. Or I’m not now.” He rambles, his mouth dry and hands shaking. There was probably a more eloquent way to say this but the words just keep tumbling out of his mouth in a chaotic mix.“I mean I wasn’t really straight then if that makes sense. I wasn’t sure what I was? I think I was still figuring it all out then. But I’m Bi, I’m not straight.”

“Oh.” Poe breathes. “Well, ok but still. I was out of line. Doing that. I shouldn’t have and I’m sorry.”

Finn shakes his head. “No, Poe c’mon. You were upset. Shara…your mom had just passed, Rey and I were leaving for school, a lot was going on. I should have handled it better. I shouldn’t have walked away from you like that. I shouldn’t have cut you out. I was a horrible friend to you.”

Poe laughs. He actually laughs, eye crinkle and all. “We make quite a pair don’t we?” he swipes at the tears forming in his eyes. “You think you fucked up, I think it was me. Makes sense why we were friends.”

Finn feels himself chuckle, tension rolling off of his shoulders in waves. “Yeah, I guess it does. But for the record, I am sorry for how it all happened.”

“Me too pal.” Poe raises his beer and clinks it against Finns. “Me too.”

“So you don’t hate me?” Finn asks in a small voice.

“Finn, I don’t think I could ever hate you.” He smiles in return, bright and vibrant and oh so beautiful. Finn thought he’d never see that smile ever again. “If anything, I thought you hated me and that’s why you were stalking me all around town, enacting your revenge or some shit.”

“That was all Rey.” Finn groans in embarrassment. “She had some plan to force us back into being friends or whatever.”

“Figures it was Rey.” Poe holds out his hand. “So what do you say buddy? Friends?”

Finn looks down at the offered hand, that endearing nickname ringing in his ears like the sweetest of melodies. It feels like his heart seconds away from exploding with happiness. He takes Poe’s hand in his, the warmth of his skin sending electricity tingling all the way up his arm. “Friends.” He agrees.

It feels like a weight has been lifted. All the shit and the despair that he’s lugged around for so long, is finally slipping away. And for the first time since coming home Finn feels…at peace. Well, almost. There’s still that whole, being madly in love with his best friend thing but, it’s the little victories.

And maybe that whole love thing will stay tucked away in the small corner of his heart forever. He just got Poe back as a friend. It would be too much to assume that Poe feels the same. Plus there is still bar guy. So Finn will take what he can get. Having Poe in his life is better than not at all, that’s for damn sure. Because it’s only been minutes since they’ve put aside the past and Finn feels like he’s on top of the world.

“So you bought this old dump huh?” Finn asks after a moment, desperate to keep Poe’s attention on him now that he has it. “Remember when Rey used to think it was haunted?”

Poe chuckles. “Yeah I do, she came by and smudged the place before I gutted it. And once I had finished rebuilding.”

“You rebuilt it?” Finn asks, looking around the house with a new found appreciation. Maybe that’s why it looks and feels so much like Poe, he built the damn thing.

“Yeah, I saved up for it by working for Han. Took a couple of years but it was worth it.” He looks around his kitchen proudly.

An echo of that nagging wrongness pulls in his gut at the mention of Han’s name. “Hey can I ask you something?” Finn bites his lip, hesitant to sour the mood they have built but curious to know the answer. 

“Sure buddy.”

“Don’t take this the wrong way but why are you working for Han? I thought you wanted to go pro?”

Poe sighs and runs his fingers through his hair. “A lot of things changed after you and Rey left. Pops had to take care of the hospital bills and pay for Ma’s funeral. Competitions were expensive so I dropped out. I begged Han to give me a job and it turns out I’m really good at fixing cars. So it just kind of stuck.”

“But, don’t you miss it?”

“I mean, I still surf, every chance I get. And a lot of my friends compete regularly and sometimes we mess around but it’s just not the same for me anymore. Surfing is less about being the best these days, it’s more about just being.” He blushes a little, looking self-conscience. Finn wants to wrap him up in a hug and maybe feed him some cookies. “I know my life seems boring to you and stupid but I’m good Finn. I’m happy.”

It was difficult for Finn to reconcile the Poe of his past to the Poe of now. He didn’t understand how someone so full of life and adventure could make a living doing something as simple as car repairs. But looking at him now, Finn can see it. That fiery wild child that searched for thrills out on the open water is still there, he’s just older and a little more centered. He gets it now.

Aunt Leia’s words echo in his head, life rarely turns out how we expect it too. Guess she knew what she was talking about.

Finn reaches out to take Poe’s hand in his. “It’s not stupid. Not at all. And I am sorry for what I said earlier. I’m glad you are happy Poe.”

Poe gives his hand a squeeze. “And what about you hot shot? Are you happy?”

Finn smiles. “I think I’m getting there.” And he thinks he is.

Poe looks over at the clock on his microwave and groans. “We should probably head over before they send out a search party.”

“Over where?” Finn asks, confused.

“It’s Friday night.” Poe says slipping past to retrieve his dog from wherever he left them.

Oh yeah. Friday. The dread Finn was feeling over dinner tonight is back, only this time it’s not about seeing Poe there, it’s seeing everyone else.

They’re going to want to talk, they’re going to want every juicy detail and Finn isn’t too sure he wants to tell them. He’ll have to eventually, that’s just a known fact but for right now, he’s still too caught up in the realization that he has Poe back to want to share that with anyone.

He is interrupted from his thoughts as a burst of white and orange sprints into the kitchen, nails clicking with excitement. The little Corgi jumps right into Finn’s lap, lavishing his face with kisses.

“Hey there.” Finn scratches behind the dog’s ears, earning him a lick to the nose.

“Bee, don’t lick his face that’s gross.” Poe says from the doorway.

“What’s their name?” He asks, setting the little ball of energy down on the floor. Poe blushes, rubbing at the back of his neck.

“Uh, his name is BB-8.”

“That’s an…interesting name.”

“Bee is an interesting dog.” Poe reaches for his house keys and stuff his feet into his shoes. “You ready?”

Finn rolls his shoulders and stands. “As I’ll ever be.”

Surprisingly, nothing happens at dinner. No prying questions or off handed comments about why the two of them arrived together. He’s not going to lie, it’s a little unnerving but he’s not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, so he lets it go. The evening passes like something out of a storybook, the events from this morning feeling light years away. Finn isn’t entirely sure he not dreaming.

And the dream doesn’t seem to be ending either. Instead of Rey dragging him around town to ‘accidentally’ run into Poe, Finn finds himself sitting on the floor of Han’s garage, handing Poe tools as he works. They talk about everything, filling in the cracks of the friendship with life updates from the past ten years.

Poe asks him about his life in California, how his doctorate is going, about the Research Institute, and Finn tells him everything. He talks until his mouth goes dry and his voice breaks. When that happens, Poe takes over, telling him about his life. Finn listens with rapt attention, holding onto each new fact like treasured gold.

He brings him lunch on the beach after his adorable surf lessons and they sit in the sand and watch the waves. Poe tells him about his friends, Snap, Kare, Jess, and Iolo. He even gets a chance to meet them, rowdy and every bit as crazy as Poe claimed. But the one thing Poe doesn’t talk about is the guy from the bar. He doesn’t so much as mention him, nor do any his friends. So Finn tries to forget about it, he really does. But he can’t.

Because he’s jealous of bar guy. He made a promise, to himself that night walking to Poe’s house to apologize that he would take Poe in any way he could get, friend, acquaintance, enemy – however Poe would have him. He knew, deep down, that they would never be anything more. So he tries to accept it and he tries to move on. But now that he’s spending so much time with Poe, he finds himself getting tripped up in his feelings.

“Come out with me.” Poe says smiling down at him, pulling Finn from his thoughts, bright eyed and dripping wet. The sun glows like a halo around his twisting curls.

“Poe.” Finn groans trying to sink down further into the sand. He’s comfortable right where he is thank you very much. “You know I can’t surf.”

Poe rolls his eyes and pulls Finn to his feet. “I’m not asking you to surf, I’m asking you to come out with me. I know you can do that.”

“Maybe ten years ago I could.” Finn grumbles his last ditch attempt to avoid making a fool out of himself.

But Poe doesn’t give in. “Nah, it’s like riding a bike, you’ll be fine.”

“You’re not going to let me say no are you?” Finn trudges helplessly down to the water line.

“Not a chance in hell.” Poe grins.

He shoves a spare board into Finn’s hands and drags him out into the water. He waits patiently for him to get on, holding onto Finn’s elbow when he waivers, strong and assuring. Finn tries to ignore the butterflies that fill his belly at the touch. Once he’s securely on the board, they paddle out and much to Finn’s resentment, it is just like riding a bike – muscle memory taking over when the white waters of the waves come rushing towards them. He pushes down on his board, raising his chest to let the water pass under him, keeping his strokes long and even once the turbulent waters have passed. 

By the time they reach calmer waters, Finn is panting from the exertion. “I hate you,” he hisses between gasps. “So much right now.”

Poe, the asshole, doesn’t even look the slightest bit out of breath. If Finn had the energy he’d push him off his board but he can’t really move his arms right now. Instead Poe just laughs at him, looking like a fucking Greek god, his black swim shirt clinging to him in all the right places. It’s really, really hard to not look at him right now but Finn uses what’s left of his energy to look back at the shore.

He’s trying to move on. He really is but Poe makes it so hard.

“What’s going on in that big brain of yours?” Poe asks, splashing water in Finn’s face. Finn flips him off.

“Just thinking about how I’m going to get you back for this.”

“You love it, don’t lie.”

“I think you have me confused with one of your sun baked friends.” Finn rolls his eyes.

Poe nudges Finn’s knees with his foot. “I’m serious, what’s on your mind?”

What’s not on his mind would be the easier question to answer. But Poe doesn’t need to know that. Just like he doesn’t need to know that Finn can’t stop thinking about him, the way his eyes crinkle when he laughs, the curl of his smile, the way he bites his bottom lip when he doesn’t think anyone is watching.

“It’s nothing.” He tries again, hoping that Poe will let the conversation drop. Thankfully, he does but moves on to a terrible topic instead.

“So, you seein’ anybody out there in California?” Poe squints into the sun. “Girlfriend? Or boy friend?”

Finn heart skips a beat. “Uh, no. Not currently.” If there was ever an opportunity to ask about bar guy this would be it. Maybe then Finn can tuck these feeling he has for Poe away for a lonely night. “What about you? Are you and that guy from the bar, you know.” He flaps his hand pathetically. “Together?”

Poe cocks his head confused. “Guy from the…” he trials off, frowning. His brows furrow in the most adorable way as he thinks. “Shit.” Poe covers his face with his hands. “You were there that night.”

“I wasn’t stalking you I swear.” Finn assures him. “Rey wasn’t either, that’s just the only good bar in town. And we left pretty much right after that guy showed up.”

“I know.” Poe says letting his hands drop with a splash. “And no Muran and I are not dating, not anymore.”

Finn tries to squash down the flair of hope that just ignited in his chest. “Did something happen?”

Poe runs his fingers through the water, watching the swirls with a strange look on his face. “We were together for a couple of years; I even thought that he could’ve been the one for a while.” He snorts humorlessly. Finn feels that flame of hope die just as quickly as it came to life. “He wanted me to follow him around the world, get back into competitive surfing, and I didn’t. So we broke it off. He still comes around every now and again but nothing usually happens. You caught me on a bad night.” Poe almost sounds apologetic.

Finn shimmies his board closer to Poe, wrapping the man up in a hug as soon as he is close enough. Poe stiffens under Finn’s embrace but slowly his arms come to rest on Finn’s hips. He holds him, letting his wet hair tickle his ear, trying to commit the feeling of Poe’s body against his to memory. When they break apart, Poe is watching him closely.

“What was that for?” he asks.

Finn shrugs. “You looked like you needed a hug, so I gave you one. And I’m sorry things didn’t work out with this Muran guy. You deserve someone who accepts you and appreciates you just as you are.”

Poe has that strange look on his face again, looking at Finn with those warm brown eyes that make his heart feel like melting. “You’re something else Finn.”

Finn’s breath catches in his throat. The way he says it, with so much conviction, like Finn is this great and wonderful thing, it makes him feel lightheaded in the best way. That little flicker of hope is back, burning brightly in his chest. A spark of something, growing between them.

“So,” Finn manages to force out in an even tone. “You gonna help me get back or am I just going to live out here now?”

Poe rolls his eyes in response.

Finn can’t remember the last time he’s truly felt this happy. Spending time with Poe, catching up on all of the things he’s missed, falling back into the easy rhythm of things like when they were kids. He can’t think of a time when he’s smiled this much or laughed this hard. Being with Poe again, after ignoring his feelings for so long is intoxicating. Every touch, every knowing look, every smile thrown his way makes his blood burn hot and heavy, has his heart singing loud and clear.

Poe is all he can think about, consuming every thought of every day. All Finn wants to do is be with Poe. Because being with him is easy. It’s natural. It’s a raging wildfire, an all consuming blaze.

But he shouldn’t have let it happen. He should have tried harder to keep his feeling in check instead of letting them run while. He should have never let those feelings out, not when he has a plant to catch tomorrow – his two weeks at home are up.

They are sitting on Poe’s deck, watching BB-8 run circles in the back yard. Finn is slowly nursing a beer, trying to figure it all out in his head. He loves Poe. He has for a fucking long time and this past week with him as only made his conviction in that feeling stronger than ever. Poe Dameron is the love of his life. Whether or not that love is reciprocated is the question. And the dilemma.

The straight forward thing to do would to come right out and say it. Grab that handsome face in his hands and kiss him senseless. But if Poe doesn’t feel the same…well Finn doesn’t think he could survive that heartbreak. He only just got their friendship back, he’s not sure he’s willing to ruin it on the off chance that Poe maybe likes him back.

And if Poe does, by some miracle, has more than just friendly feelings towards him, then what happens? He’s going back to California in the morning. They can try the whole long distance relationship thing and eventually Poe will move on to someone he can actually be with. Of course, he could always take that position at the new research and move back home.

But then what if he does move back home and it turns out that Poe doesn’t feel the same way after all? That’s an alternative Finn can’t bear to live out.

There are too many variables, too many possibilities for things to go wrong. That’s why he should have tried harder to force these feelings back in their box. He should have just been content with being Poe’s friend. 

So he sits there, letting the condensation of the bottle chill his fingers to the bone.

“You stare any harder at that bottle and it just might catch fire.” Poe teases, shaking Finn from his thoughts. He flicks the condensation at Poe’s face before setting the half empty bottle down. It doesn’t seem to bother him as he leans over, pinning Finn with a look of concern that reminds him of Shara. “Want to share what’s on your mind?”

Finn considers the offer. This would be the time, the only time really, to do something about the feelings that have been slowing taking over his every waking moment. “Have you ever been in love?” He asks, watching those brown eyes widen at the question. Poe doesn’t look away as he formulates his answer; he keeps his focus on Finn, making his breath stutter in his lungs.

“I use to think so, yeah.” He says quietly. Finn’s heart makes a feeble leap.

“And now?” He tries not to be hopeful. He tries to think rationally but Poe is closing the gap between them, their noses just inches apart. He never realized how many freckles dot Poe’s face until now.

“I don’t think I ever really loved him.” Poe says his breath warm on Finn’s cheeks. He’s so close now, looking at Finn with half lidded eyes, full of so much devotion Finn thinks he might drown. One of Poe’s hands cups his jaw, the warmth spreading like fire across his skin. His thumb strokes his cheek. “Because I was still in love with someone else.”

Time stops when Poe kisses him. One minute Finn is getting lost in those beautiful, perfect eyes, his heart thumping rapidly against his ribs, the next Poe’s lips are on his, soft and gentle and oh so perfect. Finn is helpless against Poe’s touch, the hand cradling his jaw, his lips presses against his own, the tickling curl of his hair brushing his forehead, the salty tang of the sea and sweet pine filling his nose. Poe is a tidal wave, invading all of his senses and Finn is more than willing to drown in Poe’s waters.

And yet…

Finn leans back, breaking the kiss, his cheeks flushed and his body aching for more. “Poe.” He whispers softly, feeling like an exposed nerve. Fear flashes in Poe’s eyes. “I-I’m sorry.” He mumbles, the color draining from his face. Finn knows exactly what he’s thinking.

“No, Poe listen.” He grabs the hand that is cupping his face tightly in his own before Poe can pull it away. “I want to kiss you; I’d kiss you all the time if I could.” He laughs, holding Poe’s hand up to his lips and placing a soft kiss to each knuckle. “I’m just afraid that if we start this now, I’ll miss my flight.”

Some of the fear bleeds from Poe’s eyes as he watches Finn closely. “Yeah?” he asks, unsure.

“Poe,” his heart feels like it’s beating double time, his mouth gone dry. “I love you.”

The smile that breaks out on Poe’s face is blinding. “Oh good.” He leans in and kisses him again and it’s just as perfect as before. But he breaks away far too soon.”I love you too.”

BB-8 comes bounding up to them, jumping in Poe’s lap and covering his face with doggy kisses.

“Looks like someone got jealous.” Finn snickers as Poe tries to gently maneuver the dog’s snout away.

“Bee, that is so gross. Stop it.” He sets the wiggling dog back down and leans back in his chair. “So you’re really leaving tomorrow?”

Finn sighs. “Yeah, I am. But under better circumstances this time.” He reaches over and interlaces their fingers, giving Poe’s hand a squeeze.

“No shit.” Poe chuckles. “I’ve got some vacation time saved up, maybe I’ll come out an visit in a few months or so.”

“That would be nice.” As nice as it sound Finn doesn’t think he can wait that long to see Poe, not now, not after this. He doesn’t even think he’s going to survive the plane ride back, let alone a few months. He needs Poe in his life, now and always. For as long as Poe will have him.

They tumble inside once the stars come out and the bugs start biting. Curled up together on the couch, Finn falls asleep with his head resting on Poe’s chest, the sound of his heat beating acting as the sweetest of lullabies.

Dad comes to collect him the next morning, politely knocking on Poe’s front door, asking if they’re decent. As far as goodbyes go, it’s one of their better ones. He kisses Poe on the cheek before pulling him into a hug out on his driveway. Rey squeals from somewhere in the car.

“See ya around pal.” Poe says in his ear, holding him tightly. Finn can only nod in return. His throat is tight as his Dad pulls away from Poe’s house. Last time he left Poe, his heart was broken. This time, he’s never felt so much love. And as his flight takes off, all of his worries and uncertainties about what the future holds all away.

Finn has made up his mind.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is it, the last chapter (and the long awaited return of Poe's POV). Thank you to all who have read this little fic of mine, I really and truly appericate it. It's been a long time that I have felt the urge and passion to write and I'm glad it was these characters that got me out of my funk. So I hope you have enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it. 
> 
> I'm thinking about turning this into a series of little ficlets, I'm not ready to let go of this story just yet. Whatever happens though, I hope you have enjoyed this and I hope you like the last little bit. 
> 
> Thank again for reading!

_Three Months Later_

Poe is having a shit day. Nothing terrible has happened but it’s still shit. He woke up in a general fog that never seemed to go away, settling on his shoulders like a heavy weight, pulling him down with every breath. And for what? All things considered, his life is pretty great at the moment. He’s got a job, a house, the best dog in the world, and the best boyfriend in the world. Every day should be sunshine and rainbows.

Except for today. Today is shit.

So as soon as Han barked at him to go home, Poe made a beeline to the closest bar. One shot of whiskey and three beers later, Poe’s day is still shit and his boyfriend won’t text him back. He’s tried like six times now and all he gets in return is that stupid ‘Do Not Disturb’ message. He’s even typed ‘urgent’ so his messages would get through but nope, still nothing from Finn.

Shit day all around.

He flags the bartender down, ordering another beer before flipping his phone over, screen side down. Part of him knows he should probably slow down. He’s not as young as he use to be and he’s got to teach in the morning. The alcohol is doing nothing to dispel the thick fog weighting him down, if anything it’s only making it worse. But Poe Dameron has never been one to turn down misery. 

“I see you started without me.” Rey appears next to him in her fancy pant suit and thousand dollar heels. “Typical.”

Poe squints at her, his vision swimming slightly. Somewhere along the line he has crossed over from tipsy to pretty drunk. It doesn’t bode well for his class tomorrow. “Didn’t know you were stopping by.”

“If I told you, it would defeat the purpose of a surprise.” Rey points out, taking the empty seat next him. “So, surprise.” She wiggles her fingers in the air.

“Consider me completely shocked.” Poe schools his face in the most dead pan look he can muster. It earns him a swift punch on the arm. But it’s worth it.

“Asshole.” Rey mutters.

“how’d you find me?” he questions only slightly upset when Rey steals the beer that his placed in front of him. She arches a brow at his half hearted protest and takes a sip, challenging him. Oh well, he should probably start inhaling some water if he wants to function tomorrow.

“Han told me.” She replies, setting the bottle down on the bar with a thunk. “He said you’ve been acting weird today.”

“He’s the one acting weird.” Poe mumbles defensively. “How’s space?” he tries in a lame attempt to divert attention away from his shit day. Rey loves space. She can talk about space for hours. Space is the perfect distraction, even if ninety percent of it will go over his head.

“Still spacey.” She responds watching him closely, not taking the bait. Because why would she. Poe is just destined to have a shit day no matter what. “Bad day?” Rey’s eyes dart to his over turned phone and back to his face. Poe wishes he fought harder for the beer.

She watching intently now, waiting for his response. “I’m fine. Today was fine.” He huffs out.

“Then why do you look so grumpy?” she pauses. “Well, grumpier than normal. Also, more importantly, why are you drunk before six? Did something happen between you and Finn?”

Poe shakes his head. Things with Finn are great, they’re wonderful really, so great that Poe’s not entirely sure he’s not living some coma induced fever dream or something. Finn could never be the reason for this awful, terrible, shitty day. But this feeling, this heavy fog that is dousing everything in a thick morose haze might actually have something to do with Finn. Maybe. It isn’t exactly because of Finn but it’s not, not about him either.

Kind of.

“What are you doing in town anyways?” Poe asks, taking another stab at turning the conversation away from him.

“I don’t need an excuse to come home.” She aptly avoids giving him a real answer. If he was a little more sober, that would raise some flags but Poe’s brain isn’t really working right now. “If I had known you’d be as entertaining as a wet rag I would have stayed home.”

“And partied with all your nerd friends?” Poe rolls his eyes. “Sounds like a fun time.”

Rey kicks him with her pointy, thousand dollar shoe. “Beats watching you drink yourself into a stupor.” Poe flips her off, his shin stinging from her kick. She was honestly, the worst. And so violent. With all the kicking and the punching. It hurts. “I hope you didn’t drive here.”

“Walked.” Poe mumbles, looking down at his shoes. He misses his dog. He should have picked BB-8 up after work and then got drunk. He’d be much better company than little miss fists of fury. BB-8 would just look at him with his sweet little eyes with his pink little tongue hanging out of his mouth.

God he loves his dog. Like, wow. BB-8. Just the best. So soft and fluffy. And smart. And has the cutest little butt. Like a fluffy piece of toast.

Ok so Poe might actually be really drunk. Rey must catch on because before he knows it, she’s hefting him up from his chair and dragging him out of the bar. She stuffs him into her fancy, smart person car, buckling him in like a baby.

“I’m not a baby.” He swats her hands away.

“No, you’re just difficult.” She grunts making sure he is securely in the seat before slamming the door shut. They don’t speak on the short car ride home. Poe rolls the window down, letting the wind cool his heated face.

He’s able to get himself out of the car when Rey pulls up to his house, even if he does stumble a little on the walk to the porch. He can hear BB-8 scratching behind the door as he digs through his pocket for his keys. Finally, Poe finds them and throws the door open, practically falling to the floor to cuddle the best dog in the world in his arms. 

He fully expects Rey to get back into her car and drive back to her apartment to hang out with less drunk people now that he is safely inside but to his surprise she brushes past him, retreating to his bedroom and slamming the door shut.

He shrugs and stumbles his way into the kitchen to fill BB-8’s bowl before seeking stable ground by falling face first onto his couch. It’s a good couch. Han thought it was weird because it was blue and didn’t match anything else in his house but it’s soft and blue and perfect. Han’s just dumb.

Rey saunters out of his room in one of his old shirt and sweats, her hair done up in an elaborate messy bun.

“Finn texted you.” She says holding up the phone he doesn’t remember giving to her. 

His heart does a weird little pitter patter in his chest. “What’d he say?” He asks, his voice muffled by a cushion.

“He says he’s driving and he can’t talk right now but he loves you and he’ll call you tomorrow.” She shows him what he thinks is his phone screen but it’s too bright and blurry so he just shakes his head and closes his eyes. He can hear her typing back a response but can’t bring himself to care. His couch is _very_ comfortable. 

“So.” She says, nudging at him until he sits up enough so she can squeeze in next to him. “Do we want Fairytale Weddings or Chopped?” She starts flipping through the channels on his T.V. at dizzying speeds, making his head spin. “Also I ordered some pizza and I used your card.”

Honestly, that was pretty fair. She’s babysitting his drunk ass after all, it’s the least he can do. “It’s fine.” He sighs, sitting up a little straighter. There’s magically a glass of water sitting on his coffee table. Rey looks at him pointedly until he picks it up. She looks proud of herself when he finishes it all in one go.

“I’m thinking Chopped.” Rey decides. Poe silently agrees. He doesn’t think he can handle the mushy wedding stuff in his current state. It’s a repeat episode; the contests have to use chocolate in every dish. Poe’s pretty sure he’s seen this one at least ten times. It’s still good though and it fills the time while they wait for pizza.

Rey makes him get up and refill his glass of water halfway through the show, watching to make sure he drinks it all. He doesn’t remember when she adopted these mother hen tendencies; paired with her intense stare it’s only slightly terrifying. But he’s half way to sober so it’s working, regardless.

BB-8 only joins them when the pizza comes, his cute little face begging for scraps. He curls up on Poe’s lap, happily munching away on a meatball, licking his finger tips for anymore pizza goodness.

He knows before she even says anything that he’s about to get a talk. Or they’re going to have a talk. There is going to be some form of talking and Poe knows it’s going to suck for him. Rey turns in her seat, placing her empty plate on the table. She faces him dead on and just watches him. Like a creeper.

“Is there something on my face?” he runs a hand over his chin. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I want you to tell me what’s going on with you.” She says plainly. BB-8, the coward, jumps off his lap and escapes into Poe’s room, clearly not wanting to stick around for the talk. He’s not the only one.

“Nothing is going on with me Rey. I swear.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Then I don’t know what to tell you.” He says exasperated. “It’s just a bad day ok? There’s nothing going on, Finn and I aren’t fighting, there is nothing to be worried about.”

Rey watches him with that piercing stare of hers, like she is looking directly into his soul. He knows why she’s concerned, everything that happened between him and Finn all those years ago, it affected her too. Her two best friends suddenly stopped talking to one another; it left her in an uncomfortable vacuum. She just doesn’t want to see that happen again. Poe gets it.

But she doesn’t have anything to worry about because he and Finn are great. They are perfect. And this oppressive cloud over his head doesn’t have anything to do with Finn. Well, it might have something to do with Finn. But just a little. Hardly enough to cause concern.

Whatever she must see on his face satisfies her bull shit detector because she nods, swinging her feet into his lap. He takes that as his cue and drags a knuckle down the arch of her foot, digging his fingers into the soft tissue.

She goes back to watching Chopped while Poe diligently massages the work week from her feet. He tries to concentrate on the basket ingredients but his mind is starting to wander.

It’s not because of Finn, this icky haze that he’s been dragging around all day. It can’t be because Finn is so wonderful and so perfect. He can’t be the cause of Poe’s shitty day. That just doesn’t make sense. Finn is Poe’s personal ray of sunshine. And yet, every time he thinks of Finn, that grey cloud over his eyes gets a little bit darker.

Ok, so Finn might actually have a lot to do with Poe’s shitty day but, it’s not his fault. It’s really not.

In fact it’s not really anyone’s fault.

The haze kind of breaks at Poe’s sudden realization, the color of the world coming back online, if a little muted.

“I miss him.” Poe says quietly. “I miss Finn.” Rey sits up and scoots closer until they’re touching, her body a solid line of heat from shoulder to thigh. “I’ve never had to miss him like this before. When he went off to school it was different. I thought that was it for us, our friendship was as good as dead.”

That was it, wasn’t it? Back then he had mourned Finn. He well and truly believed that Finn was gone forever. It hurt and it ate at him but he learned to move on, just like how he learned to pick up the pieces after Ma died. She was gone and never coming back. So was Finn. Or so he thought.

But now Finn is back and they are together in a way he never dreamed would be possible. But that also meant that while Finn may not be physically here right now, he would come back. And Poe has never had to deal with that before. He’s never had to sit around and wait. And it’s killing him.

“I’m not use to this. I don’t like this.” He confesses. “I don’t want him to be in California, I want him here. With me. And I know that sounds selfish and I know I’m drunk and being stupid but I miss him Rey.” There are tears stinging his eyes, hot and burning but he won’t let them fall. Not now. 

He knows he’s just overacting to it all. He probably didn’t get enough sleep and that’s the real reason behind his bad mood. But now his emotions are all out of whack because he’s drunk and he’s thinking about things all wrong.

Besides, it’s not like he doesn’t ‘see’ Finn ever. They literally talk every day. Finn always calls him on his way to work in the morning and Poe sends him memes whenever he’s bored. And most nights, he falls asleep with Finn’s voice in his ear.

But hearing him on the phone isn’t the same as seeing him in person.

“It’s not stupid.” Rey rests her head on his shoulder. “You love him and you want him to be with you. It’s only natural Poe. You’re only human.”

Poe sniffs a watery laugh. “Bet you wish you went home and partied with your space nerds now.”

“No I don’t.” She swipes gently at an errant tear that managed to slip down his face. “And besides, I came home because I have a date tomorrow.”

Poe stills. “A date? With who?” Rey blushes and it’s adorable. Then it clicks. “Oh my god, you and Pava. This is perfect. When is it? Where are you going?”

Rey punches him in the arm. Hard. So back to the violence. Awesome.

“It’s tomorrow and I’m not telling you when and I’m sure as hell not telling you where.” She snaps, folding her arms across her chest. Poe leans in and kisses her temple.

“I’m happy for you kid.” He says throwing an arm around her shoulder and pulling her in. “and thank you for tonight.”

“Whatever.” Rey rolls her eyes but settles in against his chest. “Now shut up, I haven’t seen this one before.”

She totally has but Poe lets it slide.

He wakes up the next morning on the floor with a mouth full of dog hair. BB-8 is watching him with that perfect little doggy smile of his, waiting to be let outside. Poe clambers to his feet, feeling every second spent sleeping on the floor in the cracks and pops of his joints. Surprisingly, the one thing that doesn’t really hurt is his head. There’s muted pain but he is pleasantly free from the killer hangover he was expecting.

BB-8 weaves in between his legs as he walks down the hall towards the kitchen. He darts out into the backyard the second Poe pushes open the door, sniffing every blade of grass in sight. Poe stands there for a minute, letting the cool morning air wash over him, taking in the distant sound of the waves.

The depressing fog has cleared slightly from his view but the weight of missing Finn still hangs heavy on his shoulders. Poe figures he’ll have to carry it around until he sees him again. Stretching one last time, he heads back inside to get ready for the day.

He leaves Rey a note next to the coffee maker and gives BB-8 all of the belly rubs before grabbing his surfboard and heading to the beach. It’s colder by the water, fall nipping at the heels of summer, promising a season of good swells. Only the locals are out this early, Poe waves to a few friendly faces as he paddles out. What little thoughts that are tumbling around in his head fade into a quiet murmur as he focuses on the gentle tug of the ocean.

There is nothing better than surfing. Except for maybe sex. But even then, it’s a tight race. There is something so freeing about riding a wave, harnessing control over this seemingly uncontrollable force of nature. It steals the breath from his lungs, adrenaline burning through his veins, as a sheer tunnel of water closes in around him.

Nothing else exists when he’s surfing. It’s just him, the water, and that undeniable feeling of freedom.

Muran use to say he was born to surf, that’s why he pushed so hard to get him back into the competitive circuit. But he didn’t understand. Surfing for Poe wasn’t about being the best, it hadn’t been for a long time when he came around. Surfing was about living in that one singular moment, being one with the water and just living. Trying to prove to a bunch of people that he was the best took away the magic. And Muran just couldn’t see that.

He knows Finn felt the same way too. After all, high school Poe had a chip on his shoulder and something to prove. He didn’t know older Poe all that well yet. He couldn’t seem to wrap his head around the life Poe had created for himself. But unlike Muran, he accepted it and in turn saw what Poe saw. Life isn’t some competition to be the best or to do the most, it’s about being happy.

And Poe is finally happy.

Well, he’d be happier if Finn was here but for the most part, he really was.

The pain of missing Finn aches like a bruise he can’t stop touching. He’s able to ignore it while he teaches his class, distracted by the rambunctious little kids running around and falling off their boards. But in the spaces in between, it sneaks up on him, threatening to pull him back under.

“You ok there bub?” Snap asks, slapping a big hand against his shoulder. They’re out on the water, enjoying the waves before his next class.

“I’m fine.” He says, watching the water carefully.

Snap chuckles. “Got Finn on the mind?”

“That obvious?” Poe sighs.

“Kid, you’re a god damn open book.” Snap flicks him with water. “He’s still coming to the wedding right?”

Poe splashes him right back. “He wouldn’t miss it for the world.” He spots a swell building out in the distance. Poe’s heartbeat picks up speeds. “Race you back?”

Snap flashes him a shit eating grin. “You’re on.”

He makes it back first, by centimeters. But a win’s a win.

When his classes are over, he makes his way home, silently hoping Rey is still around. She’s good company when he’s not drunk out of his mind and he kind of misses her too. Not that he’d ever tell her that.

Her car is still parked in his driveway when he pulls up but there is an unfamiliar car in his spot. His brow furrows in confusion. He goes through the back, placing his board in the shed before sliding open the back door. He’s greeted by the sounds of people talking animatedly. One of the voices causes him to freeze in place.

Finn.

All at once he’s moving, tearing down the hallway to his living room to find Rey and Finn on his couch. Finn looks up at him with an unsure smile on his face. He looks tired, a little ragged around the edges, but there is so much light coming from those beautiful brown, caring eyes.

“Uh, surprise?” he says getting to his feet.

Poe closes the space between them in seconds, wrapping his boyfriend up in a bone crushing hug. He’s still wet from his day out on the water and it’s probably soaking through Finn’s shirt but Poe doesn’t really care because Finn is here.

Finn is really here.

“I missed you.” He says into his shoulder.

Finn holds him tighter. “I missed you too.”

“What are you doing here?” Poe leans back to look at his handsome face. There’s a little bit of stubble growing on his cheeks and his hair it a little longer. Poe drinks him in like a dying man.

“I wanted to surprise you.” Finn keeps his hand around Poe waist, anchoring him. It’s a good thing because Poe’s pretty sure if Finn let go, he’d float away.

There’s so much he wants to say but it all gets stuck in this throat, so Poe does the next best thing. He kisses Finn. And it feels like coming home.

He cups Finn’s face, feeling the scratch of his cheeks under his palms, the heat of his breath on his nose. He licks at Finn’s soft lips, pulling him closer. Poe gets a little lost in it all, Finn wrapping himself around him, until there is nothing else that remains.

That is until Rey coughs loudly from the couch. They break apart, pupils blown wide and lips red and puffy. “You two are gross.” Rey states.

“You’re just jealous.” Poe shoots back, not taking his eyes off of Finn. “Don’t you have a date to get ready for?”

“Wait.” Finn’s head whips around to his sister. “You have a date?”

“I do and you’re right.” She stands, smoothing out the wrinkles in her jeans. “I’m leaving. I can’t watch anymore of this.”

“Who is she going on a date with?” Finn asks as the front door slams shut.

“Jess.” Poe smiles, tracing his thumb up and down Finn’s neck. He laughs at the bewildered look Finn gives him. “I know, right?”

He shakes his head in disbelief. But really it’s Poe who is having a hard time believing what he’s seeing. He shivers, but if anyone asks, it’s because of the wet clothes. It has nothing to Finn’s body pressed up against his own.

Finn notices though and looks down at Poe’s wet shirt and shorts and the growing puddle on the floor that BB-8 is currently lapping up. “You should change.”

Poe nods in agreement. “I should change.” He darts into his room, grabbing the first thing that he sees and throws it on, racing back into the living room. Finn is mopping up the water spots, fending off BB-8’s attempts to lick his face. Poe’s heart melts into a puddle of goo at his feet. Finn is really here. His perfect, beautiful, amazing Finn, right here in his living room.

“That was fast.” Finn blinks. He tosses the damp rag onto the coffee table.

“I was highly motivated.” Poe wraps him up in another hug, softer this time. His hands run up and down Finn’s back, feeling the movement of his strong muscles. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

Finn yawns. “Drove all night.”

“Why?”

“Why did I drive all night?”

“No,” Poe breathes, tilting his head back to look at him. “Why are you here? What about work?”

Finn bumps his nose against Poe’s. “Why don’t we sit down?” But instead of leading him to the couch, Finn takes Poe by the hand and walks towards his bedroom. They step over his wet pile of clothes and fall onto the bed.

“I took the research position.” Finn tells him, their hands entwined between their chests. Poe blinks, letting his words sink in.

“You’re coming home.” Poe feels like his heart is going to explode out of his chest.

“I accepted the position as soon as I got back.” Finn says with a blinding smile on his face. “I mean, I knew it was a really good opportunity but more importantly, I didn’t want to be away from all this. I had forgotten what it was like to be around family, to be with the people you love.” He kisses Poe’s knuckles. “I didn’t want to be away from you.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Poe asks. “Why’d you wait so long?”

“I wanted to be sure it was going to happen before I told you. And I kind of wanted it to be a surprise. Make it a whole thing you know.”

“Well you certainly achieved that pal.” Poe laughs. He takes it all back; this feeling right here, this is the best thing in the world. “So are you going to live with Luke or are you going to find your own place?”

“I was kind of hoping I could move in with you?” Finn bites at his lip.

Poe frowns. “I don’t know buddy, I’ve got to talk to BeeBee, see if he’s ok with a roommate. He’s picky about these things.”

Finn gives him a light shove. “BeeBee-Ate loves me.”

“He does.” Poe smiles. “I do too.”

“So are you gonna let me live with you or not?” Finn tries to put on a grumpy face but the light in his eyes ruins it.

“Of course you can, you dumbass.” Poe kisses his nose, that heavy weight on his shoulders all but forgotten. Because Finn is here, actually, physically here. And he’s going to stay, for good this time. Poe is going to wake up every morning with Finn in his bed. He’s going to eat dinner with him, talk about their day, sit out on the deck and watch the sunset, he’s going fall asleep with Finn snoring in his ear. All that domestic shit, they are going to do it all.

They are finally going to be together for the first time in what feels like a long time.

And Poe for one cannot wait.


End file.
